Most LBS are afraid to pull back or lovingly detach from their spouse b/c they are afraid of "losing" them. But I can tell you as a AWAW that she does not want you up close and personal! She wants away from you and she wants space......and lots of it. The more you make yourself unavailable and attractive and interesting......the better for her to realize what she has and will want you again. Learn how to act sexy again instead of acting like a "married man". If you don't know what I mean by that, then think of what you were like with her before you M her. I am not talking about acting like you are not M around other women......I mean around your wife. All of us seem to change after M. We let down and start taking one another for granted and just don't try as hard. Well, start working on getting back what you use to be before you M. You do that without chasing and pursuing her. Play a little hard to get and don't act so "interested" in her activities or being around her as much. But, when you are near by, act as if you are the most fun person in the world to be with. You may not "feel" like it, but you can pretend that you are enjoying the heck out of whatever you are involved in at the moment. Just don't over-kill b/c women are very perceptive and can spot a "fake" a mile away......especially if it is their H.
Talk to you later.
Sandi
Sandi,
I have a question that I want your opinion on. I was going to PM you so as not to hijack the thread, but I figure maybe it might be helpful info for someone else too.
You mention giving her tons of space. And that seems to be what my wife has wanted. But a few weeks ago when she brought up that she wanted to us to look at a separation again, I told her I didnt' want that. And we talked about some other things like how she can't be comletely 'healed' (as she always says she is and why she doesn't need to go to counseling anymore) if she still feels like I bring baggage from the past, and that theres some resentment to me that she doenst' want to deal with. And in the end, she said then how about we just keep our living the situation the way it is and we just don't talk about our R. BUT then she threw in a and maybe we try to get babysitter once a week and try to do something. I also asked if she'd like to go to lunch together once/week since I have time cause I'm still layedoff. And she said OK. So the past couple weeks I have gone to lunch with her, and we did get to go to a comedy club one night. She even said early on that it was the first time we got to do anything fun together.
So now here is my question...
In my experience over the last few months, even if she says something, it doesn't necessarily mean she remembers saying it or even feels the same way the next day, or hour sometimes. I'm sure others can relate to this.
Should I still try to ask her to do something once/week and try to get together for lunch once/week, or is it something where she said it at that time, and it might have been forgotten already? And I'll come across as pursuing again.
One danger of not pursuing it is that she feels that she was the only one who tried and did everything to fix the marriage a year ago, and got nothing out of me from it. I don't feel that was true, but it is how she feels. So by me not pursuing it, it might revalidate that feeling she has. So I am really confused right now.
