Need Help handling affair thats still going on

[kjensen]

Hi CL,
I think what created hope last Thursday was that were actually comfortable around each other, there wasn't tenseness. In the past, there'll be uncomfortable silences and my H will say we have nothing to talk about-nothing in common and take that as a sign we should end our relationship. So Thursday, was "like normal"-we laughed and just chatted. He gave me a hug goodbye-anytime he initiates physical contact I guess I feel hopeful.
My H knows how hurt I am about the OW. I told him how I felt about Thursday and how his restarting the A that night hurt. He said "I guess I blew it"...but nothing more. He knows I want to go to MC together(he refuses. He doesn't see this as a choice between the OW and me-he says its not a competition. But I said that you can't have me AND the OW-so you do have to make a choice...so thats where we are...really no indication of what he thinks about us or the OW/A. I think I'll try to distance more now(which is hard since he works at a office in our home and I see him every weekday)-just because I have a lot of hurt and I keep pissing him off with comments about us-he blew up at me twice today.