WAW - Very confused and devestated - pt 5

[confusedinpa]

Too broad. Number one is a given. That's what we all want. Number two is just the results that we want from number one.

A boundary is like:
I will not remain in a M when there is OM involved.
I will not be talked down to. We will discuss things as equals.
Our children will remain in the home to maintain a consistent level of stability.

Stuff like that. They are a list of things you will or will not tolerate as you're going through this. Concrete things.

On the flip side, you should have your list of concrete goals like:
She will talk to me with more respect.
She will hug me first and initiate ML.
She will ask me how my day is.

Both lists are very important when DBing. It gives you focus and it gives you a picture in your mind of what your M should be like.

I guess this is where the other conundrum lies.

Aside from the physical, she is treating me and talking with me exactly like we were happily married.

The gut check is when we start talking about matters related to the divorce. That's when she gets upset and tries to start a fight or get me mad or makes demands. I've stopped getting pulled into that trap and have just flipping things back at her. I'm not perfect at it, but getting better (unfortunately I've been getting a lot of practice)

Right now, she asks me how my day went, she usually initiates some contact during the day (she didn't today, it's getting me anxious as I suspect that she's probably signing a lease today, but I knew that day is coming), she will ask me if I need a drink, she will ask what I want for dinner, etc.

I guess the boundaries could be:

1 - When she talks to me about matters related to the divorce, she will treat me with respect - no yelling, threats, talk down to, demanded upon, etc.
2 - The children will stay in the family home to provide stability.
3 - If we get divorced, we will be civil, but we will not be friends
4 - If she dates/sleeps with someone while we are physically separated, it is over, we will not be friends and I will fight for everything in the divorce

How does that sound?