It's Complicated! Part 4

[glamgirl]

Naej thank you for your kind words. It's really not about my h anymore, but about what I want for my life. I am sure that the reciepts were just icing on the cake that just put me over the edge. For the past few months I have been feeling like I just need to get on with my life.

I don't expect my h to understand. His answer is always defensive and well Glam then go find someone else. Rather than Glam I want to work on our M, we are stuck right now what could we do that would show a committment on my part?

I don't see any of that. In fact I set-up IC for h and he didn't follow through. I think that would have helped with anger issues. I just felt that we were at a standstill and nothing was going to move us forward. What is the incentive for my h to move home? There isn't one. He seems content to continue as is.

Yes, I could continue to dig deep for more patience but something just came over me inside and I don't have the strength or the desire to stand any longer. It doesn't mean I can't be friends with my h. I hold nothing against him nor do I have any ill will towards him. He is actually a very good man and father.

My eyes are swollen today from crying. I truly am very sad. Not sure how to shake the sadness, but thanks everyone for your kind words and care. I will get through this one day at a time.

I just got a call from h's boss. I did not answer. He left a message out of concern for my h. I hope my h is ok today, it sounded like his boss had not heard from him in a few days. I really do care about my h and only hope for the best for him, but right now I need to care for myself.

Last night h washed the towels and he said Glam I washed the towels in YOUR room. I am sure h meant nothing by it, but it all just takes it's toll on your soul one word at a time until there is nothing inside to give back, but an empty broken shell of a person. You can only be blamed so much until you litterally fall to the ground paralyzed and powerless unable to move. That is how I feel! I felt I was fighting a battle that could never be won!