Yes, I agree that he owed you honesty if he said that he was trying to reconcile with you and was not seeing other people or sleeping with them. It seems he has even been working on being more honest. He has, for instance, told you that he is dating and that he has deep dark secrets. He surely has not treated you well as a friend or as a romantic interest.
No, he has NOT been working on being more honest. He has simply talked about needing to, but there has been no action. And no, he did not tell me he was dating...his words to me were, "I have plans this weekend, how about when I get home from my trip?" I pushed it to get the "date" word out there. He wouldn't have told me, I guarantee you this. Why this is important for me to say- I don't know. But I am saying it, and maybe you all can find yet another flaw in my makeup that you can point out to me. That sounded really sarcastic; I assure you it was not meant in that way a bit. My first time thru here I was honest, but I did withhold. This time I am not. I am serious about changing my ways. It hurts, but I need to hear some things about myself to make this possible.
2gthr- Thanks for the support. A simple sentence like the one you offered is much appreciated.
Ian- You are right about jumping onto threads regardless. And I am very happy that you did so. Thank you again.
OK, on to today.
Maybe there is nothing to discuss, but my sleepless night told me otherwise. I went back and forth about it--- let him bring it up...make the arrangements. I am telling you, I slept for all of an hour- I just prayed for some peace and for the voices in my head to stop.
Ultimately, I decided that I needed the closure. Chances were very good that he would not contact me, but would be here when I got back from my exercise class (a Monday ritual). I didn't want that.
So, I texted: Good morning. I hope you slept better than I. May I come talk to you this afternoon? (Son) is supposed to go to your house tonight, and, well, I'd really like a chance to speak with you.
Him: What is it that you want to talk about?
Me: I just need an ending. May I have that?
Him: OK, what time?
Me: 12:30?
Him: I am in meetings, how about 3?
Me: OK, see you then.
About an hour later he called me. I was at work, but able to pick up the phone. I am sure he expected voicemail.
Him: I got called into a work meeting and am on my way downtown (he primarily works from home). I am not going to be able to make it at 3.
Me: I would really like to talk to you.
Him: We can do it later. I can call you on my way home. Can I ask what you want to talk about?
Me: Well, I have already apologized and I hope you believe me when I say I know I was wrong. There is just so much unfinished between us, and I just want to be able to put some things to rest. This is not about me needing to yell at you.
Him: (Surprised) It's not?
Me: No. You have your own life and I need to understand that. I do think that I understand why you do the things you do.
Him: (really surprised) You understand?
Me: Yes. I think that I do. Can I ask you one question?
Him: Sure
Me: When you told me you had plans before your trip, but that we would do something when you got back, did you mean it? Or were you just going to blow it off when it got closer?
Him: I meant it.
me: That may seem insignificant to you, but it was important for me to know that. (side note: I just wanted to establish in my own head that I wasn't making things up...that he was sending very mixed messages.)
Him: I went on vacation to think. I had a lot of soul searching to do. (This then turned into a rant about work, and how they called him every single day, and how he hates his job more than I could ever understand.)
I said I was sorry. That seemed to embarrass him, and he quickly told me that he was not telling me for my pity.
Me: It is not about pity. I know how hard you work and how badly you needed that vacation. I am sorry you didn't get that.
We talked for another minute or so, then he said he would call me on his way home. He asked about son going to his house (as I said, Xh always comes here on Mondays, but I ended that option when the dating came to light.) As I suspected, he was surprised that he was not coming over. He said he would talk to son. He said, "so you told him then?" I said not in so many words, actually that it was a family time that I was opting out of, and that I wanted him to still see his dad as often as possible, so he could drive over to his house.
2X4 ready? Good, you'll need it.
I then said that I would see him later. I told him that I missed him while he was gone, and that it was hard to not call or text. He said that he was surprised to hear this, and then he sighed very loudly and said, "this is where I get into trouble. If I tell you how I was feeling you will run with it." (meaning, he missed me too, and wanted to talk with me also)
I said that he didn't need to say anything.
He once again said he'd call on his way home. Then we hung up.
Can I be his ongoing friend? No. Do I want to go out as enemies? No.
So, that's where I am. No where....everywhere.....
