Stalker huh? Well, I have had better moments, that is for sure. It was dumb. Beyond dumb. I have no excuses. I would take it back if I could- and no, not because of what was there.
Jack, you are right- I know him better than anyone here. Which is ridiculous to say, seeing I prove again and again that I don't know anything! What I do know is that he does not like himself very much. What I do know is that he does love me, in some way. I also know that I scare him (his words), and that he doesn't feel adequate around me (his words again).
What you know is that I take responsibility for everything, so of course I have spent endless amounts of time trying to pump him up. He tells me he is not my equal intellectually (get up off the floor, when I am not being a complete dumbass I am actually a pretty smart chick). He is slow and methodical; I am quick. I am the girl you want on your trivial pursuit team...which, I might add is pretty useless in real life, but he seems to respect it greatly. I do think he is the smartest man I know, but he doesn't believe that. He thinks I am patronizing him when I say this.
What I also know is that it is easier for him to walk away than to do the work he needs to do. I admit, I am guilty of trying to save him from himself. I listened when he told me that he wakes up in the mornings and gets that awful feeling in his stomach when he thinks about what he has done to his life and family. I heard those things and just wanted so badly to help him. Yes, a mistake. A big one.
I need to read the rest of the replies, so I will post today's interaction in a sec. I need you guys, so I hope you are there.
