WAW - Very confused and devestated - pt 5

[confusedinpa]

I'm still working on what to say/do during counseling tonite. I have a call with my DB coach this afternoon so maybe I'll get some more answers then.

Last week I started the strategy of focusing on recent positives. Our counselor/my therapist had thought it was the most encouraing session yet as my wife seemed engaged/happy. Problem is, my wife nor I ever brought up her pushing the custody agreement and the fact that she said that the marriage would never work because she's not going to work on the relationship.

I think I'm going to stay on the positive route - may be tough to find some positives over the last week.

One of the positives that I had brought up at the prior session, was that it felt like she was opening up/getting more comfortable in sharing her feelings/needs. The example last Monday was how she expressed it was ok that I was caressing/touching her leg/feet and how she asked about going out on St. Patricks day with her girl friend even though she knew I had plans. The counselor commended us on the improvement and we talked about what's changed that made us comfortable to have that level of dialog (I know, more discussion of the past, but I ju-jitsu'd it around to emphasize why it's a real change).

So I thought about starting with this:

I feel that we were able to continue to build on how we are able to discuss things over the past week as well. I think we can enhance can enhance our comunication where we continue to feel free to express our feelings.

For example, last Tues it didn't work out for her going out on St. Patricks day. She expressed how she appreciated me accomodating what she wanted as well as sharing how she was disappointed that she it didn't work out going out with her girlfriend. I had sensed that there was something making her sad during dinner, but she didn't bring it up until after the kids went to bed.

One of the things I think we can both do is improve telling each other how we feel earlier - rather than walking on eggshells. I should have said something to her earlier that I felt that something was bothering her (I didn't because I thought it was related to our situation and didn't want to check her temperature). If we had talked about it at dinner, we could have had a more enjoyable evening.

Then I was going to talk about how she felt how I had discussed my trip to CT with her on Weds nite. Since I went out Weds nite with my friends, I didn't get a chance to really talk to her about it. I had sensed that something was bothering her again on Thursday nite. I wish I had said something then, but I'm guessing it was about my trip to CT and how I discussed it. I was glad that she felt comfortable sharing her feelings with me, but feel it would have been beneficial if she shared those feelings with me before Sunday.

I've a number of those that I can bring up as examples, but I would expect that our counselor will ask her why she didn't express her feelings earlier.

So it is starting to look like my theme will be for tonite's session will be I see improvements in our communications but still see that we are still uncomfortable with sharing them when they occur. This is hurting how we interact.

Any thoughts?