I've moved here from MLC

[AJM]

I think, and this is not much of a leap, that you should put down detaching as a worthwhile endeavor.

He doesn't want to leave. He wants change. He wants you to change. He's not yet figured out how he has to change or that he also needs to change.

Think about it. Why apologize about MIL or ex-OW? He did NOT have to do those things. He did NOT have to spend time with you.

He likely did want to talk. He likely doesn't know how to start that conversation - that's good. Means he cares IMHO. You need to let him be the one that starts *that* conversation - can't be you if you're going to get things working.

The ex-OW? Let it go. I know she keeps doing things to you. Be his best friend. You've been his wife and lover. Now be his best friend again. Treat her like she's just another one of his friends. I actually believe him when he says it's over. He hasn't stayed away and that hurts you. It's just not time to deal with that yet. You'll need to wait for that opportunity, but if your sit is anything similar to me, a) he doesn't care for her and b) it'll blow itself out if you leave it alone. Don't listen to your GF's on this one. They are out for your best intersts and don't see the whole picture. They want your pain to stop even if it means your marriage ends.

And now for the miracle: He apologized. I couldn’t believe it. He APOLOGIZED. For everything. Once again, I didn’t ask what that means, but he did apologize. Amazing.

Good God. Do you realize how many people on this board would kill their mothers to hear those words? Do you realize what a HUGE step that is for him??? If not, go back and re-read it. Don't discount that in the slightest. It's HUGE and shows he really does care even if he hasn't mended the other areas of your relationship.

What do I think? I think that he is waiting to see if your changes are permanent before trying really hard to date you again. I do NOT think he's dating anyone else (from what you mention) nor does he want to. I think he wants you - or the you that he fell in love with at any rate. Take this time to get that you back. You'll be glad for your own sake, 'cuase I doubt seriously you grew up wishing you'd henpeck your future prince charming to death, now did you?

"You got his attention" - what do I mean by that? I mean that you got his attention. Not by backsliding. You got his attention by changing you. Not calling him all the time. Not being easily available all the time. Not stomping on him when he apologized. Not stomping on him like you used to and having to get the last word. By talking to his mother like a human being and not going nuts about her horrible son. Good show! You did very well and the initial results show it.

Keep in mind this is a roller-coaster ride. He won't come rushing back. Well he might, but he'll run again right after if he's still afraid of the old you.

Hug him with open arms.
Work on you to be the you that you would want to date. That you want to be. You are an awesome woman - be that person.
Don't think that his heart was in the ex-ow. It wasn't. He got attention and that's about it if I had to guess. I'm guessing he hates himself for it, but justifies it in his head that it was your fault. Don't argue that. It's not worth it. Nobody's blameless even though he made the choice.
At some point, he may tell you more. He already apologized which is HUGE. Did I mention that before? I can't seem to say it enough.

Be confident and be the change you want to see. You are doing well but its important to work on you.

AJ