First Locked Thread in 5 Years!

[Jack_Three_Beans]

'Trust but verify'

You verified that he was not worth the trust.

Him: You are unbelievable. That was none of your business. Goodbye.

Another was sent at the time we were "dating" just in the last months.

The old ones, are just that old.
The newer one, thats a hammer blow.*

Ian and oldtimer are right C. Get your head on straight.

*You know him better than we do. In regard to my wife. The OM kept 'bugging' her. Her words. Kept calling kept knocking on her door. She would tell me when this happened, because I told if she wanted me to trust she had to, otherwise II would form my own conclusion if I found out without her telling me.
She also had cards, letters, cds and gifts, and she is not the most organized person, so they were randomly scattered in her stuff where I would find them...because I would look. I do not consider it snooping with you are piecing. It is verifying. I would also check her email and phone.

I told her I would be doing this, I told her this was part of rebuilding trust, I wanted to trust her but I didn't, I would in time as trust begets trust. I also told her that finding that crap hurt. And I started to make a small pile of it in her closet when I found it. To which she threw it out, eventually.

In her defense, most of it she forgot about. Except the CD's. There was some good music on there : ) But she did get rid of them, broke them in half in front of me.

In order to get through this my wife had to want to and she knew I would sructinize all her actions...and inactions. I knew that in some areas, I need NOT to jump to conclusions, to swallow some hurts, but to let her know what hurt. I had to bite my tongue at times for things that no longer mattered, old things old hurts old ways old pain.

Either one of us could have fallen off that razor's edge and taken our marriage with it.

C,

Him: You are unbelievable. That was none of your business. Goodbye.

He made it your business when he started 'dating' you again. When he started coming around and talking.
Your only failing in this (perhaps, because maybe you did warn him)was not warning him that you couldn't afford to trust but you wanted to rebuild that trust with him, and until such a day, you would be verifying that your trust was not misplaced or foolish.

C, Ian and oldtimer have it right with their advice to you. Part of your old support group if I am not mistaken, and they know you better than I. : )