Good, you are doing the unexpected! I hope you had a fun evening.
Quote:
My job finishes this Friday and I am focusing on trying to find another contract. I need to remain strong and calm because in the past I would start to get very stressful and moody in front of my wife. I do not want her to see me like this as it promotes a weakness, I want to show a "its fine, it will be ok" though inside I will be fretting like anything.
To me this doesn't seem like a 180. In both scenarios you are shutting your wife out to your real feelings - although plan B is much better than plan A. What do you think would be a real 180 here?
Quote:
I feel that I have grown since the bomb as I think I now know how to deal with situations on the outside without promoting my true inner feelings
I'm so thrilled for you. It is satisfying isn't it that even though we are going through all this cr*p at least you are using it as a real chance to look at yourself and your marriage.
Quote:
My wife rang me this morning as she stayed with her parents last night to complain that the worktops were not cleaned properly after I had prepared dinner for myself. She never complimented me on the sanding down of the wall or window sill she had asked me to do before she left yesterday. I merely validated her observation of the worktop and apologised. This immediately diffused a situation where I think she would have tried to draw me into a fight - reducing negativity (step 1 in reconciling).
Great job!
Quote:
My goal is to try and secure a new contract this week, but if not I will take my children out this weekend, hopefully without any negative input from my wife as I am playing golf on Saturday and knowing my wife, she might assume I will be working on the house on Sunday.
Here is another chance for a 180 Mark. It seems like this is 'more of the same' behaviour. She is citing neglect on the D papers right? Now, I know you are doing your utmost to find a new job etc etc and I totally think that is the right thing to do but could you spare an hour or so out of that to take the kids out to a film, or for a meal, to the park or whatever. Even if it means you going to golf later or something. As you say, she is expecting something else right. At the moment you seem to be falling into the pattern she expects.
Quote:
I tend to do a lot of the ironing these days and I leave it in a neat pile for her to put away. I get the odd begrudgingly 'thank you' but only on rare occasions. The decorating/carpentryDIY work I do NEVER gets praised, but I rise above it and say to my self I am doing this for me and the children
Did you thank your wife every time she did something like this? Did you thank her *every* time she did the ironing or put your clothes away, or wiped the work surface or hoovered the house. You get my drift... I know that you are making a huge effort but to her these are just normal things that one does. Like you doing the DIY, this is what you normally do, just because she doesn't say doesn't mean she doesn't notice. Have you read the bit in MWD book about 'real giving'. That is where you do something for someone else with no expectations in return. Don't build up resentment or martyr yourself - it doesn't help the situation.
Sorry I am being hard on you here Mark but I really want this to work for you. You don't have much time before you move out and no longer live with the kids and your wife. Make the most of the time you have left there to do some killer DBing!
Remember I am coming at this from a woman's point of view here too
