WAW - Very confused and devestated - pt 5

[confusedinpa]

I agree with SF. You did ask her plain and simple. She's taking every excuse she can to break away from you. Now is the time to start apologizing and standing up to her. When she went on about not inviting her, you should have stopped her and reminded her that you did.

The thing is there is a certain point where you have to have her stop treating you like a doormat. She's going to accuse you of doing the same them that you did in the past, but you know what? It's different. You say it very calmly and matter of factly and don't lose your temper.

Tell her you've given her everything that she has asked for, yet she still makes excuses for what you're doing. It's wrong and she has to start treating you with respect.

She says that she is hurt and is pouting like a teenager. She has to again realize that the feelings are all her own and you've been very polite and courteous to her.

Find a way to anticipate her next move and cut her off from it. You can guess that she's going blame you at your next C session.

I did stop her when she started about the "not being invited route". I said I was sorry that she felt that that she wasn't invited, but I did feel that I invited her by saying "I would love it if she would come". I also appologized that she felt that I was telling her vs. planning the trip with her, I can see how she interpreted it that way as I did make the tactical decision to tell her that way (I didn't say it that though). I did tell her that I had talked to my friend Weds afternoon and she had called shortly after I had worked it out with my friend.

I guess in hindsight, I should have reminded her that when I told her I was going to CT with the boys, and I had would have loved that she would have came, I had also told her that I was doing it to give her some time to think, which is what she had said she wanted. I see know she twisted it around to just be resentful this weekend and keep planning her moving out. The fact that she took the time instead to buy things that she would need when she moved out (her closet in the craftroom is full of stuff - i.e. throw pillows, comforter, etc.) Very disappointing, but it was what I had suspected she was going to do as well.

She is going to counseling with me tonite, but aside from the ones early on, she hadn't really blamed me for things. She spends most of the time talking about how she doesn't believe the changes. I'm planning on going into tonite's session talking about the positives from last week again (a shift in strategy that I started last Monday's session) since it at least got her more engaged/positive during the session.

This time around, I'm going to add about somethings that would enhance/raise the bar on the positives.

I also share during the session, my insights on how I view things differently, but this time I'm also going to work in trying her opinion/thoughts (she expressed some last time, but I'm trying to pull her into it more).