So H was going to come by Fri or Sat to talk. I decided to do some GALings instead of waiting around for him figuring if he plans on coming he would call me first. On Fri night he was taking care of our business and called me while I was at the movies with my girlfriend. he kept calling so I answered the phone in the movie and told him to text me. H hearing I went to a movie and he's there working got mad even though I think he only got made b/c I was galing and was not readily available to him. Anyway, he refused to finish the work and text me that I can't even take time out from being with my boyfriend and that he's tired from work and that I needed to come and mopped the place the Sat morning. I knew that he did that to "punish" me so you know what I just wasn't taking the punishment. On Sat I had plans with a co-worker to go to a dayspa with her girlfriends and I was keeping it. I did not go mop. At about 2pm the people renting the place called so I had to call H to give him the message and he asked if I mopped, I said no, and again he was pissed. hehehehe -- I was GALing. He went and took care of it. Anyway, so he didn't mention anything about coming Sat either and I didn't ask. Then Sat night a friend of H and I was having a birthday party -- really more H's friend. Anyway, I didn't even ask H if he was going nor did I tell him I was either. But I suspected he would be there and kinda hoped he would too but I told myself I was going to have fun regardless. I made sure I looked HOTTTT for that party. Anyway, got there and H wasn't there. I thought that ahwell I guess he's not coming. He got to the party like 2:30am (culturally our parties are late allnighters). So H walked in and greeted our friends and I stood in the back and the lights were dim in the place. He then noticed me there. Came over and gave me a kiss and said that I looked nice. I'm in California this week for work and he said he thought I was gone already. Anyway, I played it all cool. H said he was just poping in and was going to another friend's party but would be back. In my mind of course I was thinking damn if he was into me he would have stayed at this party. Shortly after I saw H walk back in. He came back and we danced the whole night.
Ok, the thing is H and I are caribbeans and so our dancing some would call "dirty dancing." It was getting pretty hot. Our friend kept telling H and I how happy she was to see us together at the party and snapped a pic of us. But then H called her over to take a better pic. I was trying realllllly hard to keep my cool but as a loving caring person it was difficult at times to keep it all in so I must say I was reciprocating the affection/flirtation as well. At one point I said to H we shouldn't be doing these things as friends since he kept kissing me while we were dancing and he ok don't kiss me then and I said jokingly you are kissing me. Anyway, so H and I left together and he was going to drop me my car and we talked a bit then. In the party H had said that he's been thinking about things too and he's mad at himself for how he handles things. We talked about that in the car and he said he sometimes wishes that he didn't leave and how he feels bad leaving me alone with all those bills and that he has problems and he thinks he needs to be alone. I told him that I do think he needs to take some time to be alone to figure things our, I told him that I loved him enough that I want to let him go, and that his problems he needs to figure them out by himself b/c no matter what woman he's with he will always have those problems. I also told him that I know I will be alright and that I'm not seeing anyone, I want to do things right by God and I don't want just any man I want the right man and I know God will he will take care of me by living right. I brought up my concern about leaving his son and he said he's getting big and he would understand and I just said that he would want his dad to be happy. He also said that he knows OW would leave with his son if he comes back to me and I told him he has a right to his child and I know he would feel good about not being in his life. I also told him that I wouldn't want him to not have his son on account of me. He said he would fight her he doesn't have the strenght.
Anyway, so during our talk it got a bit heated again physically and H ended up not taking me straight to my car. I know I know one of my 180s is to not ML to him and I know I so don't want to keep feeding this man cake but ladies and gentleman I was so enjoying the feel of my H that I just didn't care. We had a fabulous time. Doesn't it solve anything -- NOOOO. But H and I for all these years have had such a strong physical attraction that it is damn hard to break. In the middle of ML, H of course tells me how much he does love me and that he does want me to be his wife. But I take it with a grain of salt such it was in the midst of sex. So go ahead and 2x4 me all you want, I know that once again I have fed him some cake but that cake sure did taste good to me too.
This week I'm in California and promised myslef that I would distance myself from H a bit and do some NC. So will see how the week goes.
xoxoxoxo and thanks for all your support (and 2x4s)
