Just missing you guys a little!

[Amy M]

It's not that even...I think I dealt with that 2 weeks ago when he said he was moving in with her. It's about respect. I don't know why I still expect him to show me some. It's not like he's shown any for the last 3 years. But, I deserve respect...if for no other reason than that I am the mother of his children!!!!!!!

And, it became clear tonight that he's actively rebelling against me. That means he's gonna just keep doing things I don't want him to just for the sake of being able to say, "I'm not gonna let her tell me what to do anymore!" And, my kids are gonna learn how to be men from this person (had another name in mind, but I don't want to get kicked off!) who doesn't even begin to understand what it means to "be a man."

There's nothing to do. That's why I was so angry. That's why I screamed at him. That's why I called him ugly names. That's why I told him how disappointed I was in him. Because there's nothing I can do to make him show me the respect I deserve. There's nothing I can do to protect my children from him.

I do think my settlement says that he can't have overnights if he disregards the bringing OP around bit, but, that serves no purpose at this point. No matter how hard I try to "regulate his morality," I can't! I believe a very wise man warned me about that before.

IT JUST SUCKS!!!! And, I keep thinking to myself, "Surely he wasn't like this when I married him. Was I that blind???? How did I miss it?" I chose him as the father of my children...I PICKED HIM. Surely I didn't chose that badly, did I?

And, I was doing so well!!!

Okay...deep sigh...things will be better tomorrow!