My first step out of Newcomers

[PositivelyMommy]

Hi Kev,
I'd like to join in this discussion. The ladies are right on target here.

Here is the thing with family. Your own family does not want to see you get hurt again. So they try to talk you into moving forward into a new life without W. It's their way of giving you support so that you can stand up on your own and find a new path.

Your in-laws are probably wrecked with guilt at what their little precious daughter has done and probably feels part of the blame for her actions. No use talking with them if you want support because, like your family, they don't want to see you hurt anymore and want you to move on because their daughter has convinced them that living apart from you will make her happy, which is what they want for their little precious.

If you have tested the waters and no one supports your plans for Db'ing and reconciliation, then keep it close to your chest. If they ask, just say,'I'm doing OK and I'd rather not go into it right now.' Nothing more. They just want to know you are coping well. Then you do whatever you like. OK?

For support, you will find no other like DB'ers who are on this site. We are one determined group and all with the same goal. Because we don't know each other in RL, we don't hold back either. So we have no emotional currency to barter with. We all just support each other and help us go through the difficult parts and celebrate the successes. If you feel down or low, just vent here.

As for feeling low and then trying to come out of it. You have seen in my sitch that it's like waves. It comes and goes, maybe for no good reason. Just tell yourself that you WILL get through it. And it does pass. Sometimes for no good reason. You just wake up one morning and it feels better. It's when we get caught up and think that these bad feelings are here to stay that it does drag on forever. Negativity breeds negativity. So take out a pen and challenge your negative thoughts. The following strategy works well for me.

If you think your W does not love you, find evidence to prove the opposite, that she does care. E.g if she did not love me or care for me at all then we would be at the lawyers already with a D filed. If you think that she is out there with another guy, then why would she ask you if you have heard rumours? She is baiting you and pursuing you. She wants to know if you are still her puppy dog and hanging on to her every action. Her focus is on YOU!!!(You've turned the tables and you didn't even know it!) If you think she is partying too much, then think, it's just one party and doesn't mean it is happening everynight, maybe I am just over-reacting.

Kev, I want to emphasize that there is No SHAME in backsliding. You have a habit for coming on board and apologizing for not feeling your DB best. Don't worry. This is a safe place, you can be up or down or in between, it doesn't bother us, OK? You don't have to put up a front to impress us with your DB poweress. Just one step at a time. One step forward and another step closer to your goal. One step back doesn't mean you have to give up, OK? Just try to take something away when you have made a step backward then it will make you stronger for your journey.