{{{{{HUGS}}}}} for you and the boys~--My heart broke reading what they said. I swear, I would like to come down there and pummel your H sometimes--okay, most of the time!
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
Hope you are having a great Friday and have fun seeing the band(s) tonight! You certainly deserve to unwind and kick back after a long week. Wear the purple shoes!
Last edited by pearlharbr; 03/20/0903:11 PM.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
I have to tell you, after all the shoe talk the past couple of weeks, I have been haunting zappos making wish lists. I am embarrassed to admit that there are 42 pairs of shoes in my wish list. There is an awesome pair of pink crocodile pumps that I LOVE!!
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
OMG SMW, I have a pair of pink crocodile pattern pumps! Seriously! They are BCBGirls that I got at last fall's Nordstrom sale. I love love love them! I think I've found another long lost sister...
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
Well, I just called Amy in a tizzy cause I found shoes to wear for when DH's ship returns. They are Navy blue with pink polkadot, peek-a-boo toe, 3.5" pumps. Now I just need an outfit to go with them! I also found a pair of HOT orange patent pumps with 3.75" heels. Gotta find something to wear with them, too
You know, Payless has a pair of flipflops that say I love shoes on the pad. I think I need those, too!
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
(((((Pearl)))) I'm defintely going to wear the shoes...if I go. Might wear them even if I don't go...just to make me feel sassy!
(((((SMW)))))) You MUST exercise some self control over the shoes...do not buy 42 pair. Remember how much stuff you have purged from your house since DH left? Do not fill all those spaces with shoes!!
I just wanted to stop in and say that today's a better day. My little guys were happy and helpful this morning. None of the usual "getting ready in a hurry" stress was experienced. We laughed and had some fun. We are gonna be okay. S7 even told me about the work he had to do at Dad's this weekend to make up for his marks on Wednesday. He said he was going to try really hard not to get marks today. S3 was so thrilled to take his birthday party invitations to school to hand out. He wanted to hand out some Star Wars napkins too, but, after much discussion, I convinced him that we should save those for the party. They are such great kids! And, I'm going to work very hard (with God's help of course) to be the best mom I can be to them. They certainly deserve nothing less.
And, I'm over being angry for the moment too. God helped me with that. When I talked to H last night, I told him that I didn't take the papers to the attorney since he didn't get his mark ups to me. He started explaining how busy he was, etc. I said, "That's cool. I just wanted to go on record stating that I'm not delaying the process. You are. I was accused of that earlier today, you know? Did you want to apologize for that?" He said, "What? Apologize for you wanting to get into it with me?" I said, "No, apologize for being such a jerk. We are so close to being done. Stop being a jerk. I don't deserve it. I don't deserve any of this." So, he says (sarcastically), "I'm sorry." I said, "Try again without the attitude." And, he did! It wasn't sincere, but I had to laugh that he even said the words just cause I told him to. What kind of weird dynamic do we have going on??? Wonder what else I could get him to do just by telling him to???
So, I said, "H, you are ridiculous. That might be the most insincere apology I've ever received, but thanks anyway for saying the words." He laughed and said, "You are welcome." Then we discussed what clothes he needed for the kids for the weekend, he promised to get me the settlement markups today, and that was it.
So, after last night and this morning, I just feel really sorry for H. He's making such huge mistakes in his life...I'm not saying I'm the answer to his problems...obviously I've contributed in a huge way to most of his problems...but, even if I wasn't in the picture, this whole mess he's in with OW would appear to be a disaster. And, he's missing so much of the kids' lives...the little things...like the way S3 held his invitations so carefully on the way to the car and the way he beamed when he told S7 that he was going to give them out himself. Those moments are priceless!
I hope everyone has a terrific weekend! I'm spending most of mine outside. The sun's shining, the temperature's warm, and the humidity is low...I love spring!!
Hugs to you guys!!!
Amy
Me 39 H 36 S 7 S 4 T 15 M 12 H out 8/1/08 OW confirmed 8/6/08 D final on 6/12/09...I'm doing good!
I've been kind of out of things lately but will try to catch up. It seems that you are still doing great and that makes me feel good. More than just good, it is wonderful. You have been one of the best suvival stories I can recall at the moment and I say that based on what is inside your heart, Amy. You did not allow the enemy to fill your heart with hatrred and bitterness and you made the decision that you would not be a slave to that type of mentallity the rest of your life. That takes so much strength that I don't know how a person who doesn't know the Lord could ever accomplish it. I am thrilled that the devil did not steal your sweet and kind ways and that he could not keep you from enjoying your life. Because of what you are accomplishing (b/c I know you have not reached the "finish line" yet) it is a tribute for all on this board to read about and draw strength from. You have shown people by your own example that it is possible to move forward in your life even when things did not turn out like you had hoped when you came here. God is still able to bless and to give much happiness.....which you are seeing that in your own life. Everyday can be an adventure on the journey we are taking, or it can be a terrible experience to endure.......but I think the decision is really up to us as to what kind of mental attitude we chose to take about it. In fact, I think our mental attitude is the secret to almost everything surrounding us in life. God gave us the option as to how we would respond or react toward whatever is thrown at us. If it is something we cannot change for the better (in our opinion) then we can decide to try to learn whatever we can from it in order to become a better/stronger person. Things are so hard to understand "why" they happen the way they do. We could go absolutely crazy trying to figure out the whys of everything that goes bad. The truth is......we may never know the "whys" of it. Actually we are wasting brain power and physical energy on trying to figure it all out. I know that there are a lot of things that are tough......really tough to accept, but I also know that my Heavenly Father does love you (and me) and I know He will do what is best and it is not our job to always "understand" everything about the whys and wherefores, but just to be sure we live in obedience to the Father and that we can rest in His love and know we will be fine.
We all are still on our personal journeys. I don't think any of us have "arrived" yet. (Whatever that means....LOL) Even mature Christians should be learning all the time and they should be enjoying life. That is why I am happy to see you enjoying your life in spite of all that has gone "wrong". God can take what the devil meant for evil and turn it around for good. That is what we find hard to see when we are blinded by our pain. If we had no problems, there would be no need for faith. That is why there will be no "faith" in Heaven b/c there will be no need for it. Won't that be great?
Well, look at me sitting here giving a "devotional"...again. I said most of that as much for myself as for you, sweetie. Even when we "know" all of this.....we still need to say it to ourselves or hear it again, so maybe that is what I'm doing.....saying it to myself.....so I hope you don't mind.
I really just meant to say that I am still so proud of you that I could burst. You still have some rough moments ahead, but you will come through it b/c you have the power within you......keep remembering that, sweetie.
Your post always uplife my heart.
Take care of you and those sweet babies.
Love, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
ha..OK..{{{SMW}}} you are officially on the "not going shopping with Pearl and Amy list"...sigh...Shoes Anonymous is getting some calls from me tomorrow..that's all I'm saying
{{Amy}} YOU are sassy without the shoes, but love that you wore them sister! Glad you had a "better" convo with hub today..and LOVE the story of your kids and the cards and stuff..how adorable is that?
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
So, I said, "H, you are ridiculous. That might be the most insincere apology I've ever received, but thanks anyway for saying the words." He laughed and said, "You are welcome."
(((Amy))) I laughed - I love how you say this, and point out what a shmuck H is, and then just balance it with your unquenchable sweetness...
Sandi, I love you! Thanks for the kind words! I wish I had lived up to them tonight. Hugs to you and Tawnya and Jon.
Before I get to tonight...
I had a really good weekend...went out in my new purple shoes and had fun. Actually got quite a bit of attention and that was good for my self-esteem. And, I got a lot of work done in the yard with my parents here. I did have two of those moments when I was almost defined by my sitch. Friday night I went out with one of my very few single friends. He's the one who took me out for my birthday. At any rate, he had a friend in from out of town. They picked me up and we drove about an hour from here to hear a really fun band. On the way, I said something about H...just telling story and used his name, and the friend of my friend said, "Is that your ex?" I said, "Yea. Soon to be." He said, "Yea. [Friend] told me about your divorce. That sucks." So, I guess I had already been introduced (without my knowledge) to this guy as "my friend Amy who's going through a divorce." It bothered me for a split second when I thought about it, but then he followed it with, "So, if you don't mind my asking, besides your H being a complete idiot, what happened?" (One of those good for my self esteem moments)!!! I told a very brief version of the the saga and then no one brought it up again.
On Saturday night I had a dinner with a small group from my Sunday school class. I'm relatively new to the class so I only knew 2 people of the 15 at the dinner (and, yes, I was the only person there not "happily" married). At any rate, this really weird guy says during dinner in front of about 5 other folks, "So, Amy, now that you've decided to leave your H..." I was very taken aback, but I interrupted him and said, "Wait, if we are going to discuss this here in the open in front of people I don't know, I'd like to make it clear that my H decided to leave me most definitely not the other way around." So, he then says, "Oh, I thought he was abusive and you were leaving him." I said, "Nope. I'm not sure where you got that information, but that's not the case at all." And, then, the weirdo says, "Oh, I must have you confused with [so and so]." He used her name in front of everyone. So, not only did he air my laundry in front of everyone, he aired hers. And, she wasn't even there to defend himself. I should have told him that I thought he was inappropriate, and maybe I will when I have a chance and there are fewer folks around. But, after that exchange, someone changed the subject, and it was fine. Awkward there for a little bit...for everyone at the table. Lucky for him I'm not the type to embarrass easily or to burst into tears!
But, then tonight happened, and I'm so frustrated with me and my reaction. It was out of character, understandable, but completely outside of the attitude I've tried so hard to maintain!
I called the boys tonight, and before I could ask to speak to them, H says, "I had to go over to OW's house today to get the water hoses to do some work here. So, if the boys mention her that's why." I said, "How long were you there?" He says, "Oh, just a few hours." I was livid. Our agreement was that he wouldn't have her around them "in any manner that might be misconstrued as a date" until the divorce is final. His response was that it "wasn't like a date. We were just over at her house." WTH???????
So, I talked to the boys...little man said, "Mommy, you didn't come get me and that's why I'm sad." I explained that I would pick him up tomorrow after school...it was all I could do not to drive myself over there tonight and load them both up. So, I hung up the phone, but I was so furious, that I called him back.
We had a screaming match...I said hateful things to him. I cried. I asked him what he did with the man I married...the good, honest man that would have done anything for me and for the kids. I threatened to tear up the agreement we have and start all over being much less "nice." He said, "Go for it." He said, "I'm not gonna let you tell me what to do anymore. You've run my life for the last 12 years, and I'm done letting you do that. I'll do what I want to from now on." (Apparently, I was controlling and didn't even know it!11)
So, I said, "You are such a stupid jerk (that was actually the nicest thing I called him all night). We were so close to being done with a fair settlement, and now that I see that you have no intention of doing what the agreement says anyway, I'll need to talk to my attorney now about whether or not the language needs to be amended to make the penalty for non-compliance stronger."
The last time he took them around her, I didn't allow him to have them overnight until he agreed not to do it again. I think the agreement says that they won't have overnights again until after the divorce. I'll call her tomorrow and see what she thinks. It's not signed, so, technically, it's not legal. I don't know.
I'm so angry I can't even think straight. I've been praying since it happened...I'll feel better soon. God will take the anger...he always does.
But, WOW!!!!!
Okay...just wanted to get it out there. It's amazing what therapy it is just to type out the situation!!!
I hope everyone had a great weekend and that the new week gets off to great start too!
Love you all! Amy
Me 39 H 36 S 7 S 4 T 15 M 12 H out 8/1/08 OW confirmed 8/6/08 D final on 6/12/09...I'm doing good!
Wear the purple shoes!