Step Number 3 - Ask For What You Want

[Meredith]

Although you may feel like you've already told your partner a million times what you want, is there a chance you may have been asking in the wrong way?

Obviously I have, I think it comes off as whining or demanding to him.

Is there a possibility that your "requests" may be coming off to your partner as "complaints"?

Many of them probably do, especially when I am so fed up with him that I begin to say the negative things such as you ALWAYS or you NEVER or WHY WON’T YOU JUST _______.

Are your requests specific enough to where your partner won't have to do any mind-reading or guessing about what it would take to help fulfill your requests?

In the past I would do that a lot. I would say I wanted him to do things that showed he cared, and he never would. Only, he was but the things he thought he was doing to show he cared weren’t what I would consider caring. Lately I have been as specific as possible, but not much on the outcome.

Are you able to break your requests down into small enough actions that would satisfy you, to lessen the chances of them thinking, "No matter what I do, it's never enough"?

Something to work on. Any examples?

How's your timing? As Michele says, we're all pretty sure about the times to guarantee failure, but when are the times you are more likely to achieve success? The places?

H will agree to most things, the problem is that the things never get followed through with.

If things have been rocky in your relationship for awhile, might you be asking for too much, too soon? If so, what little signs might you be satisfied with for right now, with hopes that more will come in the not-too-distant future?

I think this is the key, I think I want too much too soon. Things were rocky for a long time but I just didn't see it.

Little things that would help me feel like we’re progressing:
-H calling me instead of me calling him
-H wanting to spend the night at home with us and not having to be asked
-H asking me to do something with him