Puppy is right. You can't detach from the sitch if you're constantly trying to decipher what she means about every little thing she says. You'll never get YOURSELF better continuing those behaviors.
The best thing you can do at this point is to let her have what she wants. She wants space. Let her have "her" space. You take your space and make your life into something. Take care of your D and find something you enjoy doing. The best thing I ever did for myself was quit worrying about what my W was doing. I concentrated on raising my S and D. I got back into church. I started going out with friends. I hooked up with old friends, whom I haven't talked to in years. Once I got myself a life away from the W; I got better.
Do I still want my M? I don't know. Do I still want my family? Hell yes. I've given it over to God and I still practice my DB'ing. But I don't analyze her every comment and action. She left in Sept. and in Feb. she started making comments about coming back. She hasn't made any forthright effort; but those comments took a while to surface.
Before she left, we had two-and-a-half years of hell. Alcoholism, affairs, suicide attempt, rehab, more affairs, counseling, weekend to remember, an awakening of our marriage, a move to her hometown, more affairs, more drinking, and now a separation. So I've been trying for over 3 years now. Granted, I've only been DB'ing since last August. But my point it that patience is a must if you want to see this through. Only you can determine when you're done. My W and I have a settlement agreement; neither one of us has made the move to file it. What does that say? Confusion still reigns.
I believe your W is just as confused as you are. What does that mean? I don't know. You know, my W is confused as well. But I don't care so much; I'm living my life with the back door cracked. I ain't gonna open it; it's up to her to push the door open. If she does, then we'll discuss what "rooms" she can access.
Be friendly with her; but you do not need to be her BFF. If you want her to come back; I suggest that you at least keep the lines open to a small extent. She's engaging you and that's a positive. My W went totally dark in the first few months; it's only been since just after Christmas that she's started to open up and have nice, meaningful convos. (When we have them) But, for me, I feel that if she's to come back; I want her to trust me with what she has to say. So I listen and validate; I don't argue or tell her she's wrong, even when I think she is wrong. But I've got to build trust with her and her with me; if she's to come back and we're to be successful.
