"Although you may feel like you've already told your partner a million times what you want, is there a chance you may have been asking in the wrong way?"
Yes, I kept asking for what I wanted in the same way over and over and never getting it. I am thinking of the big request I made over and over that H come home earlier from work. I don't know why I thought doing more of the same would get different results!
Is there a possibility that your "requests" may be coming off to your partner as "complaints"?
Yes, I know they did. They came off as criticisms, a certain turn off. No wonder he was never willing to meet me even half way.
"Are your requests specific enough to where your partner won't have to do any mind-reading or guessing about what it would take to help fulfill your requests? "
This is really important because I never defined exactly how the situation would look if he fulfilled my request. I needed to imagine what we would be actually doing, very specifically, and how I would create a wonderful situation if he came home from work earlier on a regular basis. Instead, all I did was present a general situation that I hoped would change things.
"Are you able to break your requests down into small enough actions that would satisfy you, to lessen the chances of them thinking, "No matter what I do, it's never enough"?"
Yes, I believe I know how to do that now. That quote seems to come directly from my H's mouth! I can be very specific about what action will make me happy. It may be that I will have a bigger action from H in mind, but if I look at the final goal as a series of steps then I can be pleased even if the final goal is a long way off.
"How's your timing? As Michele says, we're all pretty sure about the times to guarantee failure, but when are the times you are more likely to achieve success? The places?"
I know that making requests when my H is irritated with me is not a good strategy. When we are feeling relaxed and loving toward each other is a time that I would cherish and not want to diminish by making difficult requests. The best time to approach H is when he seems conversational, for example when we have a coffee date we always discuss many things. That would be a good time to make requests.
"If things have been rocky in your relationship for awhile, might you be asking for too much, too soon? If so, what little signs might you be satisfied with for right now, with hopes that more will come in the not-too-distant future? "
I know I have BIG hopes. What I have asked H for is to meet together on a regular basis with the purpose of enjoying each other's company. I asked him to do this and he agreed. That is a tremendous sign of progress for me. If we can have some fun, enjoy each other's company, and if he seems to feel connected to me again in a positive way, that will be a great sign for the future.
