Need Help handling affair thats still going on

[kjensen]

The DB counselor went over my goals and how I would know when things were working. We came up with some tests. Certainly avoiding any talk of the R or the OW seems to get my H closer/warmer. Conflict keeps him distant. In the past I was the pursuer and he was the distancer- I stopped pursuing a few weeks ago.
As far as the depression, he seems less emotional(before all of this it was a rarity to see him cry or get choked up)-but he still gets choked up over the odd comment about being friends always. He still has an easy trigger for anger though. So I don't think the antidepressant is doing its full thing(I'm a pharmacist)quite yet.
Looking back-he started having insomnia when the affair started and that has continued throughout this ordeal. Although last night, the night he stayed with the OW he said he'd slept better than he had in months..
I have only about two friends that I talk to in detail, and have seen a therapist periodically-next appt 3/31...None of my friends are divorced although I am from divorced parents(at age 13 dad moved out and they had a bitter divorce 5 years later...) I feel like a failure, allowing this to happen to my kids. So I'm pretty emotional and feeling completely baffled by all that's happened-like its someone else's life. I started working out when it began and don't eat much(don't feel like it) so I've dropped 17 lbs in 3 months. I'm trying to figure out how I can fill the void in my life, and get past the broken dreams.