Need Help handling affair thats still going on

[kjensen]

Hi, I'm new to this and could use some wisdom and advice from others. My husband of 15 years(dated 5 years before marrying) told me over Chistmas that he thought he was falling in love another woman and wasn't sure he ever loved me, but wasn't in love with me now. He had been seeing her for a few months and gave me various storied as to how they met(final one was while working out at the rec center). He said she refused to see him because he was married(she's divorced w/2 younger kids).
He moved out to an apartment at the beginning of 1/09. We have two daughters(11 and 13). He has his own business and works out of our house and cannot financially support himself at this time on is own.
I snooped through a few records and found out that the OW bought him an $800 table and chairs for his new apartment because "he deserved something for getting on with his life"- he said. After that I found out that he had purchased tickets for them to go away. When I confronted him after I found out about the tickets he admitted that he was "dating" the OW. The next day he had a nervous breakdown and the day after that broke up with the OW via email(he showed me)-after telling me that he had indeed consummated their relationship once about a week prior). He stayed over a bit more after that. Whenever we had sex he said it made him feel empty and disconnected afterwards. At first he refused conseling but after the nervous breakdown he started seeing a therapist on his own(refuses to go with me for marital counseling) and was diagnosed with major depression and started on meds. That was 3 weeks ago.
We've practiced active listening/validating-although we are not perfect at it. Last Tuesday he sent me an email, saying he had felt for awhile that he wanted out but didn't know how to tell me or the kids. Our life just wasn't working for him...A few days later, I started distancing more and in fact suggested we get separating banks accounts-which freaked him out a bit. Had my first DB telephone counseling session Friday and was all set to remain upbeat, distant..do some tests. But Saturday he was AWOL(very unlike him)-unreachable( i called once and texted once), This morning I drove by the OW's house and his car was there (5:30am). He finally called me at 11:15am and I mentionned(in a pretty Non-upset way) that I knew he'd spent the night with the OW. I stayed upbeat, said I new he wanted a divorce and we could separate accounts Monday and start figuring out details..I did ask him why after we had done so much talking about being honest with each other-he still couldn't be-I was very neutral in talking, not upset, not yelling-just matter-of-fact. No answer about the honesty-He said he had alot to think about...No contact since(which I expected). But, he works out of the house and will be here in the AM and I'm home with the kids all week for Spring Break Do I act as a friend, stay upbeat and neutral and avoid R talk, or do I disappear(harder for me to do)-be unavailable? All of these choices he's made are very uncharacteristic for him. He misses his daughters terribly, but hasn't made huge efforts to see them often-they don't like going to his place.