My W has been with her mother since Thursday - drove her to Florida for a vacation. She's flying back tomorrow.
She has called a few times - once or twice a day - and we had short, pleasant conversations. I just called a half hour ago so that the boys could talk to her before they went to bed - we didn't really talk more than a sentence or two. She may call later, but probably not. Most days she say's "I'll call you later" and then does not - a may get a short text saying "very tired, going to bed, good nite" later this evening.
I'm OK with it. It gives me some space and is better than fighting.
The worst part about the pleasant silence is the knowledge is that this is exactly what she would be like if she were actively planning an escape - but as I get more and more detached from the outcome, that stops being so fearful as well.
Sandi, in response to your question re "I have learned to fear that look" - you are right, I don't really "fear" it. I used to, but now it is more a feeling of "Oh no, this is going to be unpleasant and unresolvable -- there goes the evening" Since we are still living in close proximity to one another and since I still care about her, her emotions still affect me, but I no longer feel responsible for them.
When you were describing "strength" I got the mental image of "velvet over steel". I really see that in the past, when she would make demands or be unreasonable I would either bend and give in order to keep the peace (velvet over clay?) or get resentful -- or both.
I am working hard on that now - one of the positive changes I am really trying to make in myself -- for myself!
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
