..so I had a little break and wrote my dissertation (yay! I did it!!). Last - wants to finish with ow
I found out he did get the contract and he moved to her office last Tuesday (my birthday, no wonder he didnt email me!). I wasnt imagining there had been a lull in emailing.. Cher told me he sent BMF an email last Tuesday saying he has to be careful what he said in emails now as he is sharing an office with her!
So she must have been out of the office as we've been emailing the last few days. I think he was anxious to let me know he is out on site for the next 3 weeks from Monday (so maybe not on email?) because he mentioned it three times! Along with saying he 'cant wait' to be out of the office, away from people and before taht, that EVERYONE at work was annoying him. Dont know if he knows I know he's working with her now, lol. He sent me three emails today. In all three he was warm, making an effort, offering solutions to things that I am dealing with with my house, the flat, my train journey.. in a way he hadnt before and he sent me an email at 5 saying he hoped I got my diss in on time, because he said it was 4 minutes to go until the deadline (so he was clearly watching the clock and thinking of me). He asked me if I was going out for a drink tonight.. he hasnt asked me that for about 8 months, so that was a new one!
I found out that BMF doesnt think he will put up with helen for much longer as she is 'mental' Cher said, there has been a number of incidents that show she is 'mental' (as they put it, not very PC!). I asked for an example.. ex and her were invited out for a drink with a couple, she didnt want to go and was bad tempered but only agreed to go if they came home early. So they went and he thought she had had a good time and they left and got home 10.30/10.45 so not late (it was upsetting to hear these details of them behaving as a proper couple). But when they got back to his.. she went nuts, shouting and screaming at him that she told him she didnt want to be late and she stormed out, slammed the door and went home.
So I felt very sad to hear this, for him. In 9 years, we did row, but never shouted and I never, slammed a door once, in all those years and never ever ever did I storm out of anywhere! Never treated him remotely like that. Sad hey, but hearing this has helped me detach. Cher said he wont put up with it for much longer.
I've noticed his emails to me are getting longer, chattier and warmer, asking more personal questions.. but then, theres never any real momentum, so it will probably change again next week!
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
On Thursday, I had 5 people lean on me, mainly relationship problems. I didnt mind, I didnt know what to say in most cases, but I was just there, in person or by phone. Anyway, I read this and it made sense:
I've been feeling very lonely this weekend. I know you dont give to receive and I dont mind giving to others after what everyone has done for me in the past.. but where is the shoulder now for me to lean on?
I waitressed tonight and met a gorgeous shy man with brown eyes, I was instantly taken with him and I think he was with me, he developed a nervous stammer! Each time I served their table, I saw his two friends lean forward to him and grin.. I could tell they were saying "wow that waitress is really giving you the eye!". He came up to and just as he said goodbye he held my gaze and we stood smiling at one another shyly for a while. I nearly ran out after him to ask him for his number, but I couldnt do it. Nearly though!
I dont want to be alone anymore. I'm sick and tired of feeling lonely.
Ali, just be open to the possibilities. You never know what is around the corner for you. This doesn't mean to give up on your ex, just be open. So much can happen when you drop the rope, let go of the weight.
I am sorry I didn't respond to your thread sooner, I took the kids out for the day...lunch, movie and grocery shopping. I think they had a good time. I followed my horoscope that told me to do family activities and not chores today. Tomorrow I can mess with the house.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Assuming you want to date.......You should have - given him your number Or even better ask if he would like to exchange numbers that way the pressure is off. If he says yes it gives you the opportunity to be aggressive and call him.
It must be a huge number.... the number of people that don't ever contact each other because we are afraid to reach out. It's funny how many females I have been attracted to in life and not apporached only to find out later that they wished I would have...crazy???? I as a man struggle sometimes reading the silent hints that women think are obvious.. Takes a 2X4 sometimes LOL!
I will tell you though (guy thing here)unless he was from far away (just in town for the day) - if he was into you, he will come back in to the resturant. It may be for dinner or it could be for something as crazy as change for a dollar, But he will drop back in to see if you are working. There is a classic scene in Fast Times at Ridgemont High, where two guys are talking. "what about the girl at the fotomat store last summer? You must have spent a hundred dollars on film and you don't even own a camera!"
If he was a shy guy afraid of rejection..... he'll be back LOL!
Yes Kat and hi Kenn, I really should have just taken a risk and asked him, I felt I was brave enough, its just by the time I decided, the moment was lost! I remembered we talked quite a bit..he asked me to reccommend food so although we were busy I talked him through the menu ! He also came up to buy a drink and said I must be very tired ..and I saw his friends were grinning like schoolboys as we were chatting. Wierd huh! I also got asked out for dinner by another man, but he was too old, so I laughed it off.
.. I seem to have broken my foot! I worked so hard I tripped over and its sprained or something. Hurts alot!
My everyones left the building thing.. I scrolled through the BB last night and I dont think I recognised anyones name!! It really struck me, gone are the days it would take you ages to catch up on everyones developments, every day and post to them, as they would you. Just us brontosauruses left now!
Hey K.. I know, I know! We'll see (Arrgh!). Thank you for always being there for me. When will we stop feeling so lonely hey? Damn Saturn on my sun... cant wait for it to move forwards and off it, end of May.
Well done on getting your dissertation in. When will you get the results? Do you have to have a viva? I used to be terrified of viva's, and then I fell over flat on my face as I went into the first one I had. After that it never seemed to bad as long as I managed to remain standing!
Interesting that OW threw a wobbly like that, and that people describe her as mental. I think the aubergine is like that from the (very few) bits of information I know about her. It's a common theme, I think, for the WAS to affair down. At least you have an idea of what's going on with him, though, and I think the subtle changes in his communication are positive. It'll be interesting to see what happens at the end of this project they're working on. I also think it's really positive that you're noticing other guys around you and are open to alternative possibilities (?). If the restaurant guy comes back and asks you out will you go?
Anyway, I hope you have a good day today and get to enjoy the sunshine. I love it when the air starts smelling of spring- it must be even better by the sea!
Hey Ali, Your restaurant story is so cute! It is so nice to get some attention from a man isn't it??? Sometimes the innocent attention is the best!
Interesting news about your B. Yet, don't they say depressed WAS, usually go for someone who is also depressed & can wallow in their misery with them. Bad combination. At any rate good to see his fog lifting.
I've been reading the NUTS book, the men on here said was good. It is a big plus, that your B has a sane, sound man friend to lean on. Very good that he hasn't broken off contact with him & can confide in him.
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
Hey Ali - the reference to H being "mental" is interesting - for those "across the pond" this is pretty common vernacular for us 60/70's children for being a little unhinged! But then I guess everyone got that!
Hopefully, it might help your H acquire some perspective! On himself and your relationship...
Again - well done on getting the dissertation in - and on time!
GFI - Yes, unhinged! Neurotic, or, high maintenance, or just, a bit of an aggressive, domineering bitch! But.. it all equates to someone who is not giving him love and acceptance, but conditional love (you didnt let us come home early enough, therefore, I am storming out to punish you). I think its sad for him (and me).
Lisa - No thats it, all handed in, phew! Just the final exhibition to prepare now (just!!!), I'm worried, but just 8 weeks to go now. I am beyond broke and can no longer pay the rent, oh dear! Yes, his emails are getting longer/chattier, but it will be telling what he does when the project ends. For anyone who pays attention to my astrological ramblings, Venus is currently retrograde (not a good time to make decisions in love/start/end relationships) and its goes forwards on Good Friday... the day his 6 weeks is up working with her! Wierd timing. Unless his project gets extended, but I wonder whether he will end it !?? He is capable of ending R's, he ended the last two afterall whilst living with me and previous ex (and he isnt Helen)!
Hey MrsM.. it is nice to get attention! I've had men give me the eye a few times lately, but not anyone I would consider dating, except restaurant guy, but he looked a bit too young really. I only work there occassionally, so he would have a hard job finding me again! I doubt he would do that anyway. He was lovely though, he said to me he was "very easy going" after I flirted with him that he was "easily pleased".. ! I've still not been asked out in 16 months though... Whats the NUTS book??
Will be interesting to see if he contacts me at all this week if he is on site. I had hoped I would get to see him, as he has papers to sign for the flat (I could forge his signature, but I'm not going to offer). Last time he had to sign something (a tenancy) he told me to go ahead and forge it, this time, he said to "let him know about the paperwork" so I am assuming that meant he was agreeing to meet with me!
