Hi CL, No advice because I am very much afraid it wouldn't fit with the DB ethics----hmmmmm bad me. I just hope that your homework re stopping the verbal,emotional abuse or tolerating it, will be for your benefit for any future relationships. Would you or do you allow this from others and has it always been your wifes way to do this? Sorry too many questions but I just cannot get my head around why you are still putting up with it. From where I stand I see no marriage between you two,and I certainly can't believe you would allow a friend to behave like this sooooooooo.
Short of a miracle I cannot see how a few well chosen phrases is going to put this back together but then we all walk our own path.
I really hope that one day you will see that you deserve so much more and don't become addicted to the pain that this relationship causes you.
Sorry too many questions but I just cannot get my head around why you are still putting up with it. From where I stand I see no marriage between you two,and I certainly can't believe you would allow a friend to behave like this sooooooooo.
Short of a miracle I cannot see how a few well chosen phrases is going to put this back together but then we all walk our own path.
Naej, I don't think I'm deluding myself about the state of this M. My clarity gets sharper every week. I am willing to leave the M. I'm not holding out false hope.
However, I do believe that relatonal patterns can be changed, and that I can bring about respectful communication from my W. I need to work on this regardless of the state of the M.
I agree that we are in an in-house separation at this time. All we have is a legal financial partnership, and civility as roommates. I don't think she's ready for D. She couldn't support herself at this time. I don't think she's going to want to stay in this arrangement indefinitely. As you said in a past post, this won't last indefinitely.
There's no hurry in me filing a D. The situation is stable. I'm not interested in pursuing a new R at this time, or any time soon. I would see myself being single for years.
I think my current strategy is sound with GAL activities, 180 assignment, and amount of distance/connection.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Hi CL, you are such a good man and I always feel a little mean when I post especially when I am not one to proclaim "oh this is great or that's a baby step" when I see none just to give false encouragement. What I try to do is be honest and give positive encouragement for the poster themselves. I am not advocating a D just that you have a life in which peace and contentment is the norm. I understand you have no wish to start a new rel. I am still alone after over 8 years.(I still think you so deserve a good woman who loves respects and appreciates you) This is so telling of you
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I don't think she's ready for D. She couldn't support herself at this time.
her wants and needs are still above yours, you are too kind. I am not saying you put her on the streets or don't help her at all but maybe put your needs on the same level you put hers? As for being single, I never thought I'd say it but it does have some good points and it is better to be single alone than single in a couple. I hope with all my heart your wife wakes up and sees the person we see you are. Take care.
CL, I think you should tell her directly! She has not understood your actions in the past.....doing the cooking for HER PT job, taking care of the puppy, the extra housekeeping chores you have accepted, etc, have all been examples of indirect efforts to show her that you want to improve your R. I don't think she has connected the dots for those actions, so I am not sure she makes the connection that her sleeping elsewhere affects your desire for intimacy. Don't forget that women are from venus!
Short of a miracle I cannot see how a few well chosen phrases is going to put this back together but then we all walk our own path.
I hope the week end bring you some peace and joy.
Matilda and Naej, I just came back from three hours of ballroom dancing in a real ballroom. I was like a kid in a candy star. There were so many ladies eager to dance. All I had do to was ask. I've never danced so much in one night before.
I think Naej is right, and the writing is on the wall for this M. I don't think my W has the potential to turn things around. I think her patterns are too entrenched. She may surprise me at the last minute, but it would be a 180 for her to acknowledge her issues and work on the M, instead of saying and acting how she wants, and still expecting me to be a H.
Matilda, She is probably is too self-centered to think about how her actions affect me. Frankly, I am not interested in connecting the dots for her. It would create a nonconstructive conversation. She is too defensive to think about how her behavior may affect others.
I'm having such a wonderful time being single (no dating) that my W is going to have a hard time selling reconciliation, if and when the time comes.
I think GAL is accomplishing what it's supposed to do as a DB strategy. This is how I'm supposed to feel in life and in a M. I'm not going to back to unhappy CL, in that dysfunctional M.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Happy Sunday CL, just a quick check on you, it is Mothering Sunday in the UK so got a busy day. I am so happy to hear you sounding so positive and good.
Matilda, I think CL's wife might be the exception to this rule.
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Don't forget that women are from venus!
I am quite envious of the dancing, I did jazz jive for a few years but haven't been since last autumn, maybe the ballroom would be more me now.
Matilda, I think CL's wife might be the exception to this rule.
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Don't forget that women are from venus!
Do you mean L's wife is the one from Mars? Pluto??? She definitely is out of this world...or at least out of her mind in my opinion She has no clue how lucky she is to be married to someone like CL!
She definitely is out of this world...or at least out of her mind in my opinion