Please please need some advice about "OM"

[Sugar and Spice]

Would H really leave OW and his son since he feels like he needs to be there and to do more for him. I think my situation is actually really difficult and H may not be able to leave and I don't even know if I can live with that either.

Vicky, your H does not HAVE to be involved with OW in order to be a "Daddy" to his son. There are tons of people that co-parent their children successfully without having a R. What are your feelings about you being involved in his sons life? Will you be able to be a part of this childs life and be ok? I'm speculating here, but maybe he is not sure what your reaction will be and that could be something that sways his decision.

I would want really have to include his son into our lives but I know OW will not allow that at all and it will get really messy. H knows that too. So, questions for those who have children and the strong bond, doesn't it seem unrealistic for me to think H will come home and not be with his son who he loves to death?

Anyway, H said that we need to talk either tonight or tomorrow. Any advice on what I should say or not say?

If and when your H decides to come home to you, the OW will not have a choice. Your H has as much right to his son as she does and if he wants to stay involved there is nothing she can do about it. Having a strong bond with a child is different than being willing/able to use your child to hold someone else emotionally hostage, children are not bargaing chips. When its like that, its more about the adults and not the kids. The love you have for your children is different than the love you have for your S, so its not about choosing between you and his son. He may be convinced and my try to convince you as well, but realistically its not. Loving you doesn't mean he doesn't love his son, loving his son doesn't mean he doesn't love you. Not the same kind of love... My biggest question is, can you be a part of this boys life?

If it were me, I would think long and hard about what I can and can't deal with and then go from there. I'm faced with the same sort of thing, but I realized from the beginning that its not this babys fault. I don't want to be her mother, I just want to be someone in her life that is there to support her and watch her grow up. My advice, figure out what you want and then the conversation will go from there.