The road ahead is so uncertain.... #7

[sandi2]

You are in a tough spot, Lan, no doubt about that. Every person handles grief and bad times in their own way. It helps when they are mature and will allow you to give them support through the bad times, but if there are times that she wants to be left alone, then that is what you will need to do. You might try talking to her about her dad and tell her that you want to be there for her when she wants you there and when she needs to be alone to tell you b/c you won't know which to do if she doesn't say. Women are the very worst to expect men to just automatically know what to do---and women do not want to have to tell them. So crazy!! It was always hard for me and I think it had to do with pride. Even if there was a "sign" that she could give you.....like have a plant sitting in a special place when she needed you to stay close by, or something like that...if she has a hard time saying it in words. If she needed to be alone, she could use some other signal and you would know and no hard feeling would come about due to "words". Would it be worth it to try to talk to her about it? Or, do you think she would agree?

I would not bring up any of the other stuff, but just about her father. The crying and so forth is her way of letting out her pain. It may scare the kids b/c they don't understand. So, as I said....you are in a hard place. Life doesn't seem to get any easier, does it? But, you have a lot of friends here on the board that you can talk to and I'm glad you keep coming back to stay in touch. I always feel so helpless and wish there was something I could do for you. You are a good man, Lan.......don't you forget it. I think you are even stronger now than ever, but we all get battle fatigue and it is good to have some time for yourself so you can "gear up" and prepare for the next round.

Take care,
Sandi