AFWAW, Going on a date is great news. It's one of the reasons I knew I had a shot is when my W wanted to "date" me. So think thru this, plan and execute. Have three different conversation starters planned that have nothing to do with your kids or R. Open ended questions about something important to her. How will you get there? What will you wear? Who will pay? Exit strategy? (I was consistently botching this) Workout before you go to release some stress. Realise it's just one date. Just listen to her and validate. Be calm and confident. You can handle it. Cheers Coach
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Ok, the date went well but I still am getting the vibe that she still wants to be alone and maybe wants me in limited doses. Nice lunch, nice movie, we talked a lot, held hands, kissed and hugged all the nice things but something just isn't right yet. I kept getting that vibe. That coupled with a few comments she made about the future and the past lead me to believe that she is struggling with what to do. She's still holding on to negative stuff from the past. Now I didn't argue with her one time--I just listened and validated, that's it. I think I did ok but she can see how much I love her and want her to come back. I know she can see it--it's like it exudes out of my body. I thought I sensed she was irrated towards the end of our date but she started complaining about her tooth and that she's getting a root canal next week, so I didn't annoy her hopefully. I just tried to have a pleasent time and did for the most part. I would be have a super terrific time if she would move her butt back home. Oh, she smelled so good and looked so good. How come I didn't recognize and say those things before? I'm such a fool. As much as I enjoyed the date, it is quite painful for me to see my wife walk out the door and go back to her apartment. I know, I know, baby steps and patience. UGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
Patience patience, give it time, keep looking at yourself, not her.
Some people here would give their right arm to be at the stage you are at.
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
As my MIL says, "Zeit, Zeit, und mehr Zeit" (Time, time, and more time). Don't get frustrated with the slow pace of things! You really are in a great position. SF is right; I personally would give BOTH my arms to be at the same point in my sitch with my W!
Me40 WAW37 M18 T20 S18,14 D13 EA Bomb 6/08 Sep 11/20/08 Ret 08/09 Sep/Filed 11/09
I know everyone is hurting and I know that all things considered I could be a lot worse off than I am right now. I thank you all for your support and hope and pray that your relationships get to the point that you want them. I am merely looking for a place to vent and get feedback. I love my wife dearly and long for the day that she comes home. I realize that may not happen but I will keep hoping and DBing until such a time that she either comes home or decides she would rather be by herself. I will continue to look at myself and ways I can improve on physically, mentally and spiritually. Hope everyone is having a good weekend.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
The wife had my daughter last night and dropped her off this morning so could take her to her first counseling session. I asked the wife if she had a good time and she said she had a good time all day yesterday! Wow! That's great, she must have enjoyed our date. She even advanced toward me for a hug and kiss and held me for a while commenting about how good I smelled(yes, I read other posts and always wear cologne around her--she seems to comment on it every time). I said well, have a good rest of the day and she said call me later if you feel like it? Ok, hmmmmm, I want to call but don't want to appear overanxious? Any thoughts, suggestions????
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
Patience patience, give it time, keep looking at yourself, not her.
Some people here would give their right arm to be at the stage you are at.
I would give more than that. The fact that she is willing to date and will kiss and hug probably means that she still has feelings in there and is trying. My W has no feelings for me, also says that she realized she was never that in love or into me, and therefore sees no reason to try to rekindle something that was wrong in the first place.
The wife had my daughter last night and dropped her off this morning so could take her to her first counseling session. I asked the wife if she had a good time and she said she had a good time all day yesterday! Wow! That's great, she must have enjoyed our date. She even advanced toward me for a hug and kiss and held me for a while commenting about how good I smelled(yes, I read other posts and always wear cologne around her--she seems to comment on it every time). I said well, have a good rest of the day and she said call me later if you feel like it? Ok, hmmmmm, I want to call but don't want to appear overanxious? Any thoughts, suggestions????
I'm very happy for you. I'm actually tearing up a bit here thnking how good you must be feeling. And if it were me....I'd call. It sounds like an invitation for you to call.
