It's Complicated! Part 4

[glamgirl]

TOH it truly is a tough situation that we are in. We will never know if this works or that works, but you do have to have lots and lots of patience and to ride things out. I am not so sure that it makes things easier for them, what I do think though that it makes it easier to return.

If you don't have that warmth and love they will never be able to come home and feel safe. TOH don't sell yourself short, I bet your h cares, he just can't right now. He is torn, with his own crisis and can't return right now. That is why it is so important to love them from a distance.

TOH I can say that is takes itty bitty baby steps. What you and I would think how quickly something should be resolved it's not that way with our h's. They can take a step and jut to get to that step it could take months. That is why you need to decide if the stand is worth it.

I would think that after a year of C and h saying he loves me and yada yada yada that he would move home, but NO. Unfortunately I see that far in the future. So now I must dig deeper and still have no guarantee.

Peace it truly is so hard to know what direction to take. I just followed my heart. I remember reading here over a year ago and some said go dark, go dim, no contact just be loving. I was torn. I started to read MWG's thread and something just clicked. I decided to be loving, but that has been a long cold lonely journey as well, but it has brought my h the closest to coming home. He also has been affectionate and loving, which prior he was cold and distant.

I have also read many R books that talk about love, respect, appreciation, and admiration. That is what I tried. I think it's working for me, but I have to tell you it took many months of this before h even gave me a thank you, so it's not like you can try something and say oh that didn't work. I think it was like 6 months of doing this. I was on verge of saying forget it and then I did something really nice for my h and he called and wanted to meet for dinner. Now it wasn't an R talk at all, but just h talking about himself, what jobs he was applying for and asking me what I thought. It was the first time, my h enjoyed my company in a long long time.

Thanks Snodderly for your wisdom. I did go back and read the mlc resources that you mentioned. They are helping me to stay focused and shed some understanding.

H was actually very nice yesterday. When he was leaving s7 said dad when are you going to start sleeping in the house? H's response see you tomorrow. I feel so bad for my kids they just want their dad here like all the other kids in the neighborhood have. I feel bad that my family really isn't a family. Not in the true sense of the word. I was actually quite suprised h let me borrow his car. He seemed so non chalant about it and said why wouldn't I let you borrow it? He drives a mercedes and said he was suffering driving it, since what he really wants to be driving is a cadalac. I just said h I can take that car off your suffering hands and laughed. H will be here some time this afternoon.

No worries of hijacking that is what these threads are for.