It's Complicated! Part 4

[theotherhalf]

glam I just read this and I feel like you tore a page from my life today and pasted it here...

"Peace there was a questionable ow. H denies anything, but don't they all. Regardless he was spending time with her and money in ways he should't have considering he was a m man. She was in my h's life for around 2 years that I know of.

I really don't know for sure that she is out of my h's life now. I can only hope and pray that my h realizes she is not someone he would want to continue to have in his life. I am sure she meant nothing to my h over the long haul. I really cound't see that happening long term, since she really did not have much to offer in attraction or qualities.

What I did Peace is just stopped dwelling on h and her. I stopped bringing her up with h and stopped allowing anger and resentment towards my h to hold me back.

What I did start doing was thanking h, showing respect and admiration towards him. I brought out the love and kindness. For example, making his favorite meal when he would come over, calling and asking if I could pick him up something at the store. Showing my love regardless of how he treated me. Now Peace this went on for many months without hardly a thank you or acknowledgement.

I was about to give up, then one night about a year ago h asked to meet me for dinner. We had a nice convo and from there h started having different feelings towards me or acting differntly towards me. He wasn't so distant and cold. We started to spend more time together, date nights, no R talks. It wasn't great, but it was a start.

I also prayed daily the hedge of thorns prayer and eventually h moved closer to home. My prayer was to have him move from where he was and I was thinking of home, but God had another plan. He moved him closer.

Peace it has been baby steps. It has been rough. I have felt like giving up, but I know how much I do love my h and know that the old h is buried deep inside, but is starting to resurface a little at a time."

and what has been going on today. And like you said it doesn't "feel" right in my heart.
"Peace I was dark at times with my h, but that didn't seem to go well for me. It really created more distance between us and in didn't feel good in my heart.

I do realize that some need to go dark to heal. What I did do though Peace is I really only called my h when I really needed to. Mostly because he rarely answered or called back. That hurt me more than anyone could imagine. It just made it feel like my h just didn't care at all, so for me just answered when he called and called only if I needed to.

As we have grown today, he answers mostly or at least returns my call unless he is in a deep depression, so we really have made some good progress this past year. "

how do you keep the faith, where do you get the patience?

"He acts like he loves me and kids, but not enough to spend every day and night with us. "
Unfortunately this is not true in my sitch. I feel nothing from my H right now. I've noticed a tiny new interest in the girls, but other than that nothing. If anything I feel like going semi dark with him has just made things easier for him to continue on with his life and still making no changes. I don't really thing any more that he cares if he loses me or not.

Sorry for hijacking glam. Your post just struck a chord in me. Thanks for listening.