I have completely been on the 'As If' train for quite a while- it's like I went on autopilot into 'as if' to try to manage my life and don't always face my feelings. Then it blows up on me as this D progresses. I totally feel the betrayal and the sense of why, loss, how did stbx end up with all his emotional problems which in turn meant he could not stand to be w. another person and was not able to treat me well anymore. Of course, like everyone else I went into this whole deal expecting forever after. I held up my end and practically had to be forced out through his mean, manipulative behavior. Too many pieces to try to rationalize. How do I ever get rid of this feeling, is it not until I find someone else? Yes, I know it's better not to delve into these emotions, but it's also restrictive to pretend it doesn't exist and then it just blows up on me anyway and I feel like a basketcase.
Looks like my final D will not happening next week now since my L has been slow to do paperwork and stbx hasn't even reviewed it yet. Another postponement...
DBer since 2003 D - 3/24/09 GAL and DBing for myself
