I think you are right on about the OM. She has said (and I have done some snooping and think this is the case), that she hasn't seen him, only communicated via phone and email/text. This was however her "one that ended too soon", so there was regret when she would share things about him in the past.
She would say: Why do you always have to be right. I not your child, you don't have to teach me. I can do some things on my own, you know. Why do you have to take over everything I do. You lie/make stuff up just to prove your right.
She has a point and you can probably see a pattern here. I am one of those people that feels the need to solve other peoples problems.
In the past week or so (it has onlyh been 5 1/2 weeks since her announcement) I have stopped the negative communication. I have tried to be positive and up beat around her and the kids. I am trying to be gone more and focus on myself. I have lost weight and from spending an hour a day at the gym, am in the best shape since high school. The problem I am having is that because she wants to talk to me everyday about seeing a lawyer and starting the process, it is a constant source of arguments. I have tried to be calm and I explained that I just found out how she feels and am not in the same place as she is. I need some time to play catch up, but I try to assure her that I want to keep it civil. I have said that if she meets with a lawyer and she files before we have her business in a place where she can survive that we will only end up having me contest and a protracted legal fight. It will drag it out even longer and end up costing a lot. I have tried to ask her to give me a little time and I will probably come around to her way of thinking. Because she is waiting (I think) for us to be over legally before she starts up with the guy, she is HIGHLY motivated to have it over today. So how do I stand my ground, not fight, stall, not make her hate me more, and show her all the positive stuff when she doesn't want to be in the same room?
Additional info: 3 weeks ago she stated she was not comfortable in the same bed, so we alternate on the couch. Her family is trying to be supportive, but they are enabling her with offers of money to help, etc. When I left for the 2 weeks, she had her first contact with this guy thru facebook on day 2, by the time I got home the 2 of them had figured it all out. She did not tell me or anyone else about the OM, I found out snooping (which I have stopped doing)
