told my D 13 , dad and I are divorced she cried..she called H..he made light of it he is insensitive and lives in denial we D 13 and I talked a long time
it espescially hurts as he seems pleased with the whole D he doesnt think he did anything wrong he doesnt think me or the kids hurt from his choice and if we do its not his problem
H came I sai a few things I probably shouldnt about his insentivity to D 13 and how he lives in denial and avoids any conflict and that s7 calls and H needs to answer phone
he said I dont want to fight ofcourse not! i left and when i returen, he said he knew of this kids therapy for D I told him great idea,,he can take the kids! next visit--I will avoid himn totally there wont be a friendship for today
I still am stuggling with forgiveness I am angry at H I am angry at ow not sure what I need to do to get to other side
I need to continue no contact i dont /cant be friends with H right now peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Peace, It seems to be a common thread that they are totally oblivious to the effect that their actions have on anybody else, even the kids. This is what infuriated me about H. It visibly bothered my d3 when H took her to the park with the OW. When she told me she had a confused, pained look on her face. However, H denies that he hurt our d in any way. They are only focused on one thing, themselves.
I'm sorry for your pain, and that so many H seem to be able to easily shut out the feelings of their kids and people they were married to for so long. It sucks. You did the right thing talking things out with your d. You are the brave one, to face the hurt and meet it head on. Cowards run and sweep it under the rug. Good night. M
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
Peace, I am sorry you are in pain. They cant acknowledge what they did, it would hurt too much. They have to justify it in their little, teeny tiny heads (oops).
Just take care of you and be there for your kids and pay him no mind. I think you need to go really dim now to get through this. Do what is best for you and your children - let him blow in the wind!
Peace, So sorry to hear that the D is final. Sounds like your H is a totally different man from the one you married. People really do change. Hopefully, this isn't the last change he'll make in his life and he will turn his life around to become someone you and your kids can respect again, even if it isn't as your husband. Be there for your kids and as difficult as it is, try to keep them out of the drama of it all as much as possible. When you can bring yourself to do it, please try to work on forgiving your H. Not for H's sake, but for YOU. Let go of H and all of the bitterness and resentment that you feel so you can live your life again. (((Hugs)))
I still am stuggling with forgiveness I am angry at H I am angry at ow not sure what I need to do to get to other side
Peace, Forgiveness starts with acceptance of where you're at today. Today you are angry, so ride and be present with anger without thinking that it's wrong to be angry, or that you're failing at forgiveness.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Peace I am right there with ya. I am soooo sorry you had to go thru this, it is truly an awful thing to go thru in life. I think sometimes it is worse than "death". My son is almost 19 and sometimes I feel glad that he is not young going thru this, but he DOES hurt as well and I wish I could take that away. My xh says things like "son is an adult and not his responsbility anymore". He does have contact with son by phone, but hasnt seen him in awhile. He is taking him fishing and to nascar race soon though, along with ow. I think my xh is quilty and trying to win him over with stuff like this. My xh also ran from his responsbilities, he moved another woman in, drank with his buds alot, and works out like crazy. I dont know what he is looking for, but I hope he finds it soon. I dont have ANY contact with him....for over 2 weeks now I havent spoken with him. It is so hard. I feel your pain.
confronted H on him business stuff as we share this business he exploded his rage has become over the top during the first 2 years he was pleasant while evwerything was still a secret his ow, living arrangements I was the co- secret keeper now I have done dim/quiet as much as possible when you share a business and kids together H has become unstable and is having many outbursts I saw H Credit card staement at the office..not pretty! so H says to the kids Im not coming tonight,,This is routine when I confront him with any kind of reality and he sayd he cant come fridays anymore his loss..I am ok with the exret time with the kids they ra so difficult to deal with these WAS I am having a hard time DB with him anymore I feel like it is enabling him to prtetend all he did was OK at the same time my dimness/detachmnet and unavailability to H make him angrier toward me and makes our R nonexsistant but rith now, I need to back away he is a sick man and i need space to let go and move on with my life and I dont want to give him the satisfaction of the perfect wife or XW who still loves him despiyte his awful choices and secret life I am praying for forgiveness..its may take some time Thanks to all for respomnding//it really helps peace peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Peace, you are human and have done all you can. Do what you must for you. It is not ok for him to point his anger at you. Go as dim as you can and take care of you and your kids.
