Your most intense negative emotions will and are coming out when you have contact with your H. Right? The more contact you have with him, the harder it is to maintain your love for him. You become frustrated, frustration leads to anger and anger leads to resentment. Every time you go down through this cycle it steals a little bit of your love and energy.
At this point try to keep your contact with him limited to the kids. By doing this you will conserve the love you carry for him, you will need it.
I hope this makes sense. In my own situation, I began to realize it after awhile. That's not to say I didn't have my own eruptions from time to time, but realizing the consequence allowed me to step back and choose my battles. Emotions are a powerful thing.
Try coming here to vent your frustration when you feel the need to release. We'll listen and offer support.
Do you have a confidant locally to talk to? Someone to call and talk to? Having a confidant to vent to at emotional times can be a God send. If I remember, you didn't let too many people know because you an OW work together.
I know you have your hands full with 3 kids at home and one of them being a toddler demands a ton of your time. As the weather is getting nice, try getting out for a power walk, push the stroller fast and hard, find a release for your frustration. It works wonders.
