My wife dropped the "I never loved you" on me 6 weeks ago. For her the divorce can't get here quickly enough.
My story:
We have been together 14 years, married almost 10 years. Looking back there were signs, but I either missed them, wrote them off to other factors, or didn't quite know what to do with them. I thought we were on good ground, and this year (09) was off to a more romantic start. I had to leave to go out of town for 2 weeks at the end of Jan, and when I got back was told that it was over, and that she thinks she married the wrong guy. I did all the wrong things and in snooping found that an ex-boyfriend from a year prior to our meeting had resurfaced. I called her on it and was told that it simply had nothing to do with our situation. Over 3 weeks of crying, pleading and a lot of heart to hearts the story has changed many times as to the reason for everything. We have 3 kids under 8 years old, my wife owns a business that has been losing money for a couple of years, but we were still hanging with it in hopes of better days. I am 44 and she will be 40 in less than a year.
I found Michelle's book and have just begun putting things in action. I wish I had it a year ago, it may have avoided all of this. Analyzing our real issues they are pretty basic, but real. We have lost our connection and passion, she felt alone with our kids due to work and 10 projects that always seemed to be the priority, and we communicate thru arguing, a bad habit we have not really ever tried to fix. She agreed to see a therapist with me, but just to address coparenting issues we will face in the future. Our therapist at the second session (4 weeks after our first conversation) told me that I am not hearing my wife tell me its over and that I just need to deal with it.
I would appreciate any advice I can get, and would welcome feedback. One issue I didn't see addressed in Michelle's book I have a question on. I have started with the 180 and last resort techniques very recently. And am trying to give her space and not appear over interested in her whereabouts. But we do continually argue and disagree on our divorce and the timing. Due to the newnesss and major financial considerations, I have told her that I am still trying to handle all that has been presented to me and am not in a place where I can do a lot to move forward. She is scheduling appointments for us to speak to attorneys so that we can plan the process out and try to settle in an amicible way. Should I tell her that I have not given up hope (which will send her into a tailspin), should I stall, should I remain firm, possibly undermining any good work I do in the 180...any info or tips would be very helpful.
