Yeah, I can see tough times ahead emotionally, but I'm sure that I'll be able to cope for all of us.
Tomorrow BIL is driving me out of town to pick up the new car, I think I'll use the 1 hour drive as a bit of "Man" time to chat through a few things with him. He's a sound guy and has really gone up in my estimation with the support he's shown me since his sister has been rolling me up and down this rollercoaster.
Also thanks to you all for the support you are showing me in these troubled times.
W had a bit of an emotional breakdown last night, lots of tears, lots of anguish, wailing and screaming I guess she was flitting between denial and anger in the five stages of grief. All of this meant I had to explain to D7 why mummy was upset and why Grandad was not feeling well. W later thanked me for, well....just being there.
Drove to pick up new car had chat with BIL, he seems to be handling situation ok (despite what W keeps telling me).
New car is fine, drives well, tomorrow D7 and I go swimming, I guess I'm a happy chappy under the circumstances.
You are in a tough spot, Lan, no doubt about that. Every person handles grief and bad times in their own way. It helps when they are mature and will allow you to give them support through the bad times, but if there are times that she wants to be left alone, then that is what you will need to do. You might try talking to her about her dad and tell her that you want to be there for her when she wants you there and when she needs to be alone to tell you b/c you won't know which to do if she doesn't say. Women are the very worst to expect men to just automatically know what to do---and women do not want to have to tell them. So crazy!! It was always hard for me and I think it had to do with pride. Even if there was a "sign" that she could give you.....like have a plant sitting in a special place when she needed you to stay close by, or something like that...if she has a hard time saying it in words. If she needed to be alone, she could use some other signal and you would know and no hard feeling would come about due to "words". Would it be worth it to try to talk to her about it? Or, do you think she would agree?
I would not bring up any of the other stuff, but just about her father. The crying and so forth is her way of letting out her pain. It may scare the kids b/c they don't understand. So, as I said....you are in a hard place. Life doesn't seem to get any easier, does it? But, you have a lot of friends here on the board that you can talk to and I'm glad you keep coming back to stay in touch. I always feel so helpless and wish there was something I could do for you. You are a good man, Lan.......don't you forget it. I think you are even stronger now than ever, but we all get battle fatigue and it is good to have some time for yourself so you can "gear up" and prepare for the next round.
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Still here reading alone buddy. You are doing awesome and I do not know how you do it sir.....I won't offer anymore as I think your doing great and enough words from others probably better place than I.
What Sandi says re women is basically what Venus and Mars books say. Not sure if you've read them, but I found them great and very insightful.
W is definitely on a different planet to me, Venus, Mars or anywhere else in the solar system. She wasn't happy with her mothers day gift from me and she let me know about it, however I could have hit back and list all the occasions she has let me down (Fathers day, birthdays, xmas etc), but I didn't feel it was worth it
W was all set to snub me for the day but BIL, SIL and their kids dropped in on us, MIL & FIL were already with us for dinner so her mood lightened. She did later admit that if we didn't have guest she wouldn't have spoken to me for the rest of the day. (Charming).
FIL was in goods spirits and if you looked at him you wouldn't suspect there anything to be wrong with him. He and W did talk some about his forthcoming treatment but overall we kept the mood light and pleasant for the evening.
sorry, am I missing something here ? what did you get W ? Was it something of little thought ? and anyway, is it not from D7 and not you ?
I would not of retaliated but wouldn't personally be spoken to like that had I made an effort. I would of done the walking out and not speaking due to the complete rudeness. Said something like. That is what you daughter chose to give you, not me, so if you are going to be so ungrateful, I will leave you to it and take D7 out for a while for you to think about that.
Sorry, bud, I may be wrong, others may slate me but on a few occasions of late, your W is totally taking the P out of your kindness and patience if you ask me.
Did you get her a vaccuum cleaner?? Anyhow, her reaction does not surprise me anymore...but I have to admit that it annoys me some (like arthur and others I am sure). Don'tget me wrong, i sympathize with her dad's situation but to treat someone this way repeatedly is not nice to say the least.
She did later admit that if we didn't have guest she wouldn't have spoken to me for the rest of the day. (Charming).
What I'm hearing now is not only is W on a different planet to me she is also on a different planet to most other people.
Seriously though, the way it went for Mothers day was W asked me to get her a CD as a Mothers day present, what she actually got was a bunch of flowers and a card from D7 and just a card from me. When she realised that I hadn't got her the CD that she wanted, that's when she decided to have a sulk.
What.... she has no access to a music store??? All this over a CD? Let me guess, "you never listen to me or my needs"....am i close? Hang in there buddy and next time just get her the damn CD!
