I more than anyone totally understand what you are going through. Although I do want my H I so don't know how we would actually work things out since there is a child involved. I'm feeling a bit pessimistic today too anyway. My H's OW would also use the child if he comes back to me and that would just break H's heart. For you, you at least you have children with your H and 20 years together. Use your family and the years as your foundation. And in actuality I do know several couples who have children outside and still have their marriage. Look at divorced parents - they are able to be parents and not have a R, not to mention people who had kids and have then moved on to get married. So it is possible. The unfortunate fact is that many people have had affairs that have produced children but the A has ended. It is harder but its doable!! Once your H is ready to come back to you, he will do what's necessary.
As for my sitch, I actually don't think my H can walk away, or I don't know how. My H loves kids and wants to be actively involved in his son's life and I think likes being a full time dad. We don't have any children so its a very difficult sitch here. But I just know you and your H can do it since you already have a family for all these years. Take it one day at a time. Hey, you can be an inspiration for me. Good luck.
