Sweetie, you've missed some posts this past couple months. I gave him the NMS book last September. He is now on page 364, about the simmering,etc. The material you recommend starts on p. 302 which he got to in Feb. I asked him couple weeks ago if he got anything out of the book so far. "Not really." He's said that twice. After he'd read the parts you refer to.

I already feel his taking over 6 months to read the book tells all of us a lot about his desire to learn about anything or do anything to help himself. I spent all last summer & fall reading books & researching everything I could get my hands on, printing stuff out and giving it to him along with pleasant, encouraging comments. As a physiologist I already knew a lot of it. I went thru holy fricking hell getting him to the pulmonary specialist, getting him to use the CPAP. Finding he had lung issues, sweating the PET scan till we found he has no cancer at this time. Getting him to finally quit smoking altogether. Getting him to have a physical Feb. '08 so he'd tell the Dr., but he DIDN'T tell him. Going back again with him to be sure he'd talk & get the script. Every single event was preceded by his Passive-Aggressive tantrums, sulking and general defensive, fear driven mean, obstinate orneriness. Meanwhile he knew that whole time what was wrong with his libido and didn't tell me, Knowingly letting me feel every single negative emotion listed in Sex Starved Wife. He had a choice not to put me through any of that, including the yelling at me when I'd feel so helpless I couldn't stop crying. We could have skipped everything from December of '07 until last weekend. Every last miserable torturing bit of it.

You really think this is a guy who will do exercises? Especially anything that requires verbal cooperation? Even our Dr. who is a sweet, nice, easygoing guy, says my H never talks.

It's not like he doesn't know and hasn't known what to do for a long time. In particular, last June, I gave him a printout of the specific muscle that male Kegels work. He has not done one single Kegel in all this time. Not one.

You have already made it clear that you think I'm a mean, bitchy ball-buster. I am not. Don't bother to include inferences to that in any response you care to make. Schnarch says you have to experience anxiety, get out of your comfort zone, to grow, to change your life/sex life for the better. Obviously he's been in anxiety mode for a long time, sharing none of it with me, just hiding it and trying to make me go away. How would that help either one of us? I have a list of laws. 1. Boredom is the first sin. 2. Things left to themselves go from bad to worse. (Ya think?) 3. There is no substitute for talking to your people. I won't bother you with the whole list, but my H is the poster child for what happens when you don't follow # 2. & 3.

I KNOW its embarrassing for a guy. I KNOW even if he's always been on the LD side, he enjoyed sex. I don't want to see him give it up either. I am hurt, unhappy and angry with the tradeoff he made to avoid his embarrassment for my grief and anguish. The past 15 months has been just one miserable unnecessary Goat F**ck. Lately he's been nice most of the time. He knows what he did to me. He knew it last fall. He seems to be communicating a little more about dealing with it. Coulda been doin' that since January of '08 if he'd been honest.

Get him to do exercises? Tell you what, you come here & get him to do them. If you can, bring your shades, cuz The Second Coming will be very bright & you'll need them.
Jayce


me: 66
H:60
2 adult sons
2 grandsons
adult daughter deceased 5/05
me:Part time trainer
H: plant suprv.