You'll never see me fall from grace

[Sugar and Spice]

I'm just not sure I'm up to it. Seems kinda lame after all of the stuff I've been through, but I'm just tired of fighting...for what I'm not even sure anymore.

I remember what a tough time you had when you first came here and how you wanted to contact OM and so I just wonder HOW this can ever work if they contact never stops? That little shot of "juice" will always be there...so in a sense there will never be closure on this. There will always be an opening for another round anytime either one gets the "itch." I mean whats the point? At this time I just don't feel like looking forward to a lifetime of "what ifs?" "where were yous?" and because there will ALWAYS be contact, this woman poking herself in the middle of my life forever.
Today is not one of my "find the silver lining" days. Imagine that?
I realize how much work its going to take and I'm just not convinced that either one of us has the will to do what it is going to take to make it out of this. I'm not sure that I'm up for contstant mountain climbing.

[kat727]

Then make it a hill. No one says you have to conquer the whole darn thing at once. You have a chance to do a do-over. So many of us here I am sure would die for the chance(not counting myself in that group).

Take your time, lay the foundation and build a better house and a better life. Because regardless what happens you know you are going to be fine. Snap out of it my flying monkey!! I adore you.

kat

[Sugar and Spice]

Thanks Kat, you always know just what to say.

I am grateful, just leery...

[Beans]

Being a newbie here I don't feel quite qualified to be giving advice but I would have to agree with kat. I would kill(ok maybe not literaly) for another chance. Even if the outcome was unknown!

One day at a time, you never know where it might lead!

[Sugar and Spice]

Beans all advice is welcome, no matter how long you've been here.

I am grateful, but...after all I have been through (I realize I did it willingly)I am just not willing to take a backseat anymore. I am tired and have finally reached my point of "no more." I need to SEE some actions as the words are not enough anymore.

I have to find my patience and I have very little left. Its just been a tough couple of days and its just life, but that doesn't make it any easier to take.

I'm just going into this with my eyes wide open, the rose colored glasses were shattered some time ago and after several attempts to repair them, I finally just trashed em' and have to look at the world through new eyes. Not bad, just real.

Thanks guys.

[Beans]

Understandable!

You are further along in your sitch then I, and patience is a tough thing keep for sure.

I get the rose colored glasses thing. The other day I asked a dear friend if my H was always a dink and I didn't see it? Or if this is a new "attitude" of his?

Cheers to keeping it real!

[vickyd]

Hi Sugar,

I more than anyone totally understand what you are going through. Although I do want my H I so don't know how we would actually work things out since there is a child involved. I'm feeling a bit pessimistic today too anyway. My H's OW would also use the child if he comes back to me and that would just break H's heart. For you, you at least you have children with your H and 20 years together. Use your family and the years as your foundation. And in actuality I do know several couples who have children outside and still have their marriage. Look at divorced parents - they are able to be parents and not have a R, not to mention people who had kids and have then moved on to get married. So it is possible. The unfortunate fact is that many people have had affairs that have produced children but the A has ended. It is harder but its doable!! Once your H is ready to come back to you, he will do what's necessary.

As for my sitch, I actually don't think my H can walk away, or I don't know how. My H loves kids and wants to be actively involved in his son's life and I think likes being a full time dad. We don't have any children so its a very difficult sitch here. But I just know you and your H can do it since you already have a family for all these years. Take it one day at a time. Hey, you can be an inspiration for me. Good luck.

[karen43]

Corey, I think what you're writing about is kind of common. Doesn't she even talk about that in DR? That couples start piecing and the LBS works hard for months or years, and then when they starting piecing, the LBS starts feeling all those emotions we kind of put a lid on when we were DBing so heavily. I'm pretty sure there's a chapter on that. Maybe that would be good for a reread?

I'm also pretty sure, from what other posters have said, that the irritable, withdrawal cranky type behavior is from the WAS going through withdrawal. I think a lot of them are literally addicts and going through that withdrawal is tough; although believe me you KNOW I'm on your side. I just think if you can just DB just a tiny bit longer, you can always give up, but you don't want to look back and say maybe I should have waited another month or something later on in life. But you need to do what you need to do. Maybe some fun or galing or something like that just to get your mind off your problems? ((((((Corey)))))

[Sugar and Spice]

Once your H is ready to come back to you, he will do what's necessary.

Take it one day at a time. Hey, you can be an inspiration for me. Good luck.

Thanks Vicky. I question his ABILITY to do what is right, the addiction factor skews things in this case. The OW (affectionately referred to as the TROLL by me)is emotionally retarded, addicted and needs to be saved. I'm just so tired of being in the same place, I'm ready to move fwd.

Karen, I have to go back and look to see about that. We are all well aware that my copy of DR is not tattered as I followed very few of the principles, I'm a glutton for punishment. You're right, I don't want to look back and have ANY regrets, but its times like the last couple of weeks that remind me WHY we are where we are. Things are just tense and strained right now, but they will get better, I just have to be patient and not react or take things personally.

All in all, we do have better communication and we are able to get things out there that we weren't able to in the past, but unlearning old habits is hard and its so easy to slip back into old familiar patterns, even when they are destructive. Ultimately, if he can't/won't get his gambling under control, this is a lost cause anyway...I refuse to spend the rest of my life a slave to his addiction. But, one thing at a time. Like Kat said, think of it as a hill, not a mountain.

[bluerain]

Hi sugar,

Have you ever had a day when you havent had to climb a hill of one size or another? This hill is a big one, but you are an expert mountaineer by now.

Their grief over the OW is disgusting... But its totally normal, and its so important to remember that hes going through this because you are the one he wants to be with. And I feel like you are seeing action, just his efforts, no matter how tiny they seem to you are action. Not enough, I know! But it is something for now.

Dont settle for the back burner, if he does something that makes you feel bad, you do something that makes you feel good... By the way; kicking him or spitting in his coffee really wont make you feel good for long!