After MC #5 yesterday posted above, I continued the conversation on chat and when he got home. I tried to fix or make plans to address his feelings that came out in MC. Where was Jack to spank me out of doing that? Why didn't someone throw the DR book at me so that its corner punctured my temple?
H feels the MC is a good fit for H's problems but still doesn't want to actively work on the marriage. Feels he has put out and put out and doesn't want to risk any more right now. Doesn't want to work on getting to know each other or practice with affection and communicating unless there is a guarantee he will be happy. Says that us building up the small things is for fools who want the same thing they had. I think he is touch and go as to whether the problem is within him.
My H said maybe something is wrong with him as he doesn't feel better to express his feelings or be known/validated. The MC is working with him on this but H just cannot get it--repeat after me "emotionally unavailable."
Our 19 yo daughter came home and he put himself out there to connect with her. He has rewritten a back story that makes her a taker and him the unappreciated provider, but he is trying beyond what I would expect from someone displaying such pure, unadulterated selfishness.
I am reading (for the 2nd time) a book rec'd in another thread Understanding the Mid-Life Crisis by Peter O'Connor which I would highly recomend for anyone interested in a deeper view of the issues. It supports the DB premises that the MLC is about them and they need to work it out and that the spouse should downplay emotions to help/hope the mlc'r withdraws the projections they have attached to the LBS. He says the successful resolution of the MLC involves a renewed sense of purpose.
