B - I see where you are going, and I used to have the same thoughts about Mrs. C and how Cinco could probably get out his compass and figure out the rocky terrain, looking for the green meadows that might lay ahead...
But finally after all this time, I have the suspicion that Mrs. Cinco just isn't going to open that door up for Cinco. Even if there is a vixen hiding in there somewhere, she either resents Cinco so much for past wrong deeds, or she is clinging so hard to her life as a non-sexual person for her own reasons, that unless she declares for herself that she is going to go after her OWN sexuality....then I think there isn't anything else Cinco can do.
I think Mrs. Cinco's sexuality is really deeply hidden within her for her own reasons, and that she feels she is just fine the way she is. She resents Cinco asking her to change. She is happy how she is. She knows Cinco is unhappy, and that makes her unhappy and edgy about her marriage....but she herself is just fine and happy being an non-sexual person.
Therefore, in a case like this, how can you ask someone who is happy with the way they are to change?
I have said all along that it will take nothing short of an ultimatum for Mrs. Cinco to truly understand that Cinco has one foot out the door. If there was an ultimatum, then I think there is a chance Mrs. Cinco may CHOOSE for herself to revive her sexual side, so she can save her marriage, and then hopefully from there, she will like the changes in herself and choose to keep the changes because she wants them.
But even after an ultimatum, she might not make that choice.
Some people just are not sexual and are happy that way. I feel bad for Mrs. Cinco because it would seem that no one (on this board at least) understands her plight. She just wants to be left alone to do her thing and not be pressured to change how she is. I don't think she is holding back a conscious level of sexuality that she is withholding to punish Cinco. Instead, I think she just enjoys life without sex.
I have known many people like this over the years. There is nothing wrong with them. Their spouse may not be happy and it may cause divorces...but they are still happy with just the way they are.
I think Mrs. Bagheera has never been truly LD, but Mrs. Cinco truly is. Big difference. There is still hope for Mrs. Cinco to CHOOSE to find her desire...but so far, she has not made any attempt to choose it. So why keep pushing it on her? At this point, I think Cinco's best (and probably only) hope is to tell her he is about on his way out the door. At least then, she will know what the stakes are, and she can choose honestly if she wants to change or not. I know she loves him and wants to make him happy, but if that means changing herself into something she doesn't want to be, she will probably choose to let him go. I hope I'm wrong.
Bagheera - you are such a great friend to try to help Cinco. I feel horrible saying these things because it seems like I am not being supportive. But I've already said all the encouraging things and watched Cinco beat his head against the same wall all this time. It just makes me sad to watch it continue with no improvement. And I guess I can really relate to it in a way, because during my marriage, my ex-h was the one who wouldn't open up to passion, even though from the outside it looked like he was HD and I was LD....I finally FINALLY had to face the fact that just because he wanted sex, didn't mean he could ever really be with me in the way I needed him to. 5 years later and he is the same passion-less man....but he is HAPPY now. He doesn't have to face his unhappy wife everyday. He lives alone and can look in the mirror and think "all I have to do is make MYSELF happy", and that is what he always wanted. I just couldn't see it at the time we were married.
Anyway...Cinco...hopefully you feel good that so many of us want to help you, even with conflicting advice! We are here, hoping and praying for your sitch. I pray for Mrs. C all the time, too.
