It's automatic when you feel it

[Bagheera]

I know that you all have hope for Mrs. Cinco to want to explore her sexuality. Talks I have had with her tell me there isn't much there to explore. I could be wrong but even when our SL was good it was me pulling her along.

Cinco,

Take a look back over what I've written about our individual Sexual Archetypes, about Sexual Submissives in particular, and about all of the signs that I missed over the years with regard to my wife's own brand of sexuality. In my own case, it is I who MUST lead the relationship, and lead the sexual relationship in particular. My wife doesn't want to lead, doesn't want to take charge in the bedroom, and rarely initiates intimacy on her own -- and I understand why and accept that now. I am the "Keeper of the Flame" for us, I judge when it's a good night for a "fire," and if I've done things correctly, she "ignites" wonderfully. Mrs. B responds to my lead deliciously, but it is my passion which feeds her own. Taking the lead requires confidence on my part, knowing that I can occasionally reach out and 'take' the woman that I want and that she'll melt in my arms when I do: and even a year now after we began adopting this mode-of-operation, that confidence still falters from time to time, but I pick up and carry on.

What you need to do is to take a hard look at your wife, her parents, her upbringing, her former sexual experiences, and the history of your relationship with her, and start figuring out what her Sexual Archetype is -- and then learn to step into that role. Chances are, you already possess *some* of the qualities of that archetype, else she would not have responded to you in the years before your daughter was born. Start putting the pieces together. For all we know here, she could be the opposite of my wife and be a closet Dominatrix: hand her a riding crop and bare your a$$ to her and she may go gonzo on you! Alright, I'm joshing here, but you get my point -- Pick up a copy of Michael J. Bader's Arousal and put on your Sherlock Holmes cap and figure the woman out!

-- B.