Depression has set in.

[Beans]

My kids are as ok, my daughter and I have become closer. But like you I don't want to lean on her too much. She is starting to feel caught in the middle.

H started pulling away and acting angry Sept.08. Told me he was having A Jan.4. Said he couldn't lie anymore. I Told him I wanted to work on our marriage. He said I thought you would say it was over, I need time to think. Then he moved out Feb 1. Still seeing OW. She is married but separated also. They met through work at one of his "stops" he drives truck. Said they became friends and she said all the right things. What ever those magic word are I would like to know! He says she appreciates him and loves him!

He hasn't asked for D yet, but last weekend he said he just doesn't know how it would work out. He did hint at a D, stating that he didn't want to be one of those divorced couples that talk bad about their ex's.

I do still see him when he comes to pick up the kids, and he has been back to the house claiming he needs to "do" this or that around the house.

What do you wish you did different? I too think I have been hurting myself by not being more aggressive, but you can't change the past.

It must be especially tough for you since you all work at the same place. Do you have to interact with one another? Stay strong!

[pollyanna]

This is one of the horriblest feelings I have ever felt. I think we can all agree.

My depression started in Nov when I realised OW did exist . i took St Johns Wart for the next 3 months and then i became so exhausted with emotions that i went on to meds. i have been on them 4 weeks and will say although you are still said , you can feel a little happier, available and hopeful. i also rationalise better. I used to think H was with OW all the time when in fact I had no idea. With the meds I can keep things more real. Not obsessive anymore.

Just my 10c worth on meds.

[hope3343]

Beans, if you are not functioning and get to that low stage, go see your doctor.

We need the strength for the long battle. take care.

[Beans]

Well I have been on the meds for a couple of weeks now and I actually had 2 days this week where I felt very strong! Yah! Yes, I can tell they took the "edge" off, the pain is still there but took the edge off.

[cat03]

the fist few months are the worst, but you can make it. I cried when my kids where not around, to a friend, to a cousin who went through the same thing, so I didn't have to cry in front of my kids (though you can't fool kids it helps for them not to see their mom sad) I know you feel this is the end but it isn't.
After the 2-3mth or so, it finally dawned on me that I could make it alone if he never came back. I know it is something you rather not even think about, but trust me, it is the ONLY way to regain some sanity and peace. To know that you do not need him to live, that you can be happy without him. I know it hurts and it is the last thought you want, but once you find it in your heart you will have the peace to ride out this storm, I promise. Do continue with IC, when he takes the kids go out and find new things to do, the ol' GAL, work out, join a book club, anything, dont' stay home alone.
Your d12 is too young to be your crying shoulder, I do agree that it is not ok to hide all feelings, it is your job to make them feel secure as you are the only responsible parent they have at the time.

Any changes you do on yourself, do them for YOU first and foremost. Always remember, you can't control anything, you can't control his desicions, the only thing you have to try to control is your thoughts. I highly recommend you read "eat, pray & love", it will help you lots.
Over all, pray, that's what saved me, that's the only way I got to have any peace, to be able to wake up without crying, even if your prayer, much like mine years ago, is "I'm hurting, please help me". I have found peace, we are D now but I found myself, I found God for real and I am happy and love my life. You will be ok, but you must believe it first.