Still getting nowhere fast....

[lost-n-Iowa]

Well last weekend was great. I thought that it would be terrible just like it always is but my H really surprised me. We had a great weekend, went out with friends, spent time together, worked together outside, and my H even left me a love note in my wallet that said he was falling in love with me again. I was on cloud nine about all of this.

Then it happens... On WedneszdayI woke up a bit cranky cuz I did not get a lot of sleep, had a million things running through my mind and was a bit short with my kids and my H that morning. I had slept on the couch cuz I could not fall asleep until 2 in the morning. I admit I was not in a good mood at all. My H and I ended up in a what I would have considered a small spat cuz he had told my oldest daughter to do something (which I did not hear him say this to her) and then I ended up telling her to do something else (which he heard me tell her) and then he gets upset saying that I am underminding him about it. I get upset cuz I did not hear him tell her anything and it is a simple misunderstanding. She gets on the bus and leaves for school and my youngest is still home. My H and I continue to argue about this small misunderstanding and I get upset saying that I can't do anything right in his mind and his answer back to me is 'You will never be able to do anything right because you are a ni**er f**king whore.' I blew. He had said this when my youngest in in the the kitchen next to our living room which is basically the same room with a very large door in between. I do not know if she heard him or not but I was still mad. I left for work and did not speak to him him until Thursday. He was tryingto act like nothing happened. He did not apologize for what he said and still has not. Thurday goes okay but I am still hurt and mad by what he had said to me. Today is Friday and we are short with each other again today. he is mad about this and I am mad about that and it goes on. Well today I get called a cu*t and told that I am no good at being a green thumb type of person and that if I grow a garden then he is wasting money cuz I will let everything die. (I can't keep a house plant to save my butt and he is probably right but he has spent time with me planning a garden and talking about what we are going to do wtih it and has never once told me that he has no confidence in me about growning a garden or the flower garden that I want around the house this year) Also we have been talking and planning for planting trees on the north side of our house as a wind break. He informed me today that he thinks I will kill the plants becuase I will not water them everyday and that he does not want to waste the money on it since I will 'just f**k it up'.

Well I am really mad now and end up saying mean things to him too and the fight gets bigger and it gets out of control so I stopped talking to him and he goes outside.

He then comes back saying he has to use the bathroom bad. Whatever like I care at this time. he hollars at me while he is in there that he wants me to look up something on the net about water heaters and print it off. (Why should I is what I am thinking?) I go and do this and when he is done in hte bathroom he comes into my office and tells me that he is so very glad that I have done at least one thing right. I fall for it and asked what? He said that I had bought a very soft toilet paper that he really likes. Wow nomimate me for a freaking award.

Any suggestions on what I am suppose to do? How do you talk to a person like this? How do you handle a person like this? I want to make my M work but how? My H is gettting worse, my m is gettting worse, and I have no where to go.