"this morning I put my arms round W 5 mins before the alarm goes off to give her further reassurance and her reaction was "Get off me I'm trying to sleep"
Now is she still showing me the way or am I just a DAM who doesn't get it."
You answer the question.
Remember.. it does not have to be "all" the time. Just the "right" time.
How many times have you woke her up.. to "Do Work"? Is this a reasonable "reaction" from her?
You could have said.. "You are silly.. I just wanted to hold you close."
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
Lan, if 99% of your hugs in the PAST meant you want to nudge nudge etc etc, her brain reacted to what she knows. If not, then... I dont know what it is. I would never push my man away like that, UNLESS I was mad at him for some reason. Try to remember, you are not ALWAYS ( ) responsible for her moods. You are a fine man. K
Well whatever anyone says I'm not gonna sweat myself too much on this one, if W asks for a hug she will get one, if not I will leave well alone, no point risking antagonising her.
Anyway on the car front I pick it up next Friday, I've also ordered my personalised license plate so I'll have those to fit in a couple of weeks. D7 is really excited and looking forward to the weekend cos shes told me that she will be going to her friends party in my new car, the one she chose for me.
I think my last post was a little misunderstood and I was concerned that it might be when I wrote it, but hoped that you would know what I was trying to say. I am not suggesting you dance the dance with her and leave the impression that you are going to meet a woman or to make her jealous. Even though it sounds like that is what I was saying......that is not what I meant. What I was trying to say is to do what we are told in the early stages of DBing. We GAL, we go out to do whatever we decide to do. We always look "great" when we go out and act very upbeat. Since your wife thinks it is fine for her to have secret male friends, then if she questions you about where you are going or doing......and you just smile or say that maybe you'll go see a friend. That was to try to get the point across to her to let her see how it feels from your side of the fense. I'm not saying that you do any more than that b/c it would be going too far. You don't have to say anything to her if you don't want to, other than you just want to get out a while. She needs her attention back on you and she needs to see you attractive again. As I have said in the past and will continue to say.....women will be drawn to the man she fell in love with and especially if he seems a bit unavailable to her, and once again he becomes interesting.
Don't know that that cleared up anything or just made it worse. But, I think you know the routine by now and what you should be doing.
Take care always, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I fully got your point first time so I know the drill and thanks for the advice.
However, we're all a bit low at home, FIL got his test results today, not good news, cancer detected in his lungs and lymph glands, the treatment prescribed is more chemo but not we're sure how he'll respond to the treatment or what happens after that. W snuggled up to me last night, the night before the appointment we both just fell asleep together. Previously I got the angry mood from her but that seemed to coincided with her spending time chatting on line. So as I mentioned before she has got a lot going on in her head and I am just a small part of it.
D7 is keeping my spirits up because she says getting a new car must be just as exciting for me as when she got her new Nintendo DS at Christmas. Kids can be a blessing at times like this.
Sorry to hear the bad news about your FIL. You keep being there for your W in this troubled time for her.
My S8 was getting quite addicted to his DS and it was actually a relief when he lost it as I did not like his attitude when I tried to control his time with it. D6 never got very obsessed with her's, and now that her brothers is lost, their mom does not allow them to play with D6's DS.
Lan, Maybe the sad news about FIL could an opportunity to connect more with W as Kerry indicates. Yes, kids around D7's age (including my S8) are such a delight but they do need structure and a lot of your attention.
I see what Sandi is saying but after a while GAL'ing for DB purposes get old and tiring if the W does not grow up and get with the program and continues silly, immature, wanton behavior, esp. with serious life issues going on in parallel. Your W needs a big shake up like a major life changing event. Your world famous patience is still a useful virtue.