That really has given me a huge lift, the first in ages, though because of her mood earlier in her texts that were friendly then my responses came across as curt, should I do anything to get her back to her mood first thing this morning.
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
Not really Mark. Try not to be curt or rude with your answers. Just don't elaborate on anything. Don't offer any more information than she asks for and always keep it light-hearted. Don't be the one who initiates any calls or texts. Not unless you need to talk about the kids.
Also, don't rush things just because of these early signs of progress. This is still a long way from fixed but you're now starting to steer things in the right direction. Work on your patience. That was one of my main problems too. You don't have to work on things every minute of the day. You don't want to try and do too much too soon.
Kev
Me: 32, Wife: 22 Son: 2 Married: 2 years Separated: January 5th 2009
Sometimes you have to become lost before you can find yourself.
Good job Mark! It goes so against the grain but it produces results eh!
Keep your responses light and breezy.
Most important keep your expectations down. This will take a long time...
Lastly, expect more eruptions from your wife, things aren't going the way she planned. Take it in your stride and don't react. Hope you're enjoying the sunny weather!
My wife called AGAIN which I answered this time to mix it up a bit. She wanted to know why I called her friends house last night where my children were having tea. I explained I told my children to be good and I would see them tomorrow. My wife's friend thought it was strange I rang, my wife said it's not something you've done before so why do it know? She thinks I was checking up on HER but I don't see how, clearly she sees it as persuing. Why would ringing my children at a friends house seem like I am checking up on my wife? Is this seen as a step back?
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
I must admit not normally, but I forgot to ask my wife what the arrangement was for picking up the children. I did not want to ask my wife as I know if I would have asked her she would have said something like "I did tell you, but as usual you didn't listen" or words to that effect. I thought by ringing her friend on the pretence of talking to the children I could ascertain what was happening. In my defence I did confirm with my wife's friend that my wife was picking them up, but that was not mentioned.
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
Your wife doesn't have to know your reasons for doing things. Don't feel that you have to explain your every action to her. Does she explain everything she does to you? You have every right to talk to your children regardless of where they are. And like JCJ says, your wife is very likely to erupt again. The most important thing you can do is not rise to it. Don't play her game. If she starts shouting at you or saying unreasonable things just tell her calmly that you're not willing to talk to her when she's in this mood and leave it at that. Nothing more. If you have to, hang up on her (politely) or leave the room if you're together.
Kev
Me: 32, Wife: 22 Son: 2 Married: 2 years Separated: January 5th 2009
Sometimes you have to become lost before you can find yourself.
Mark, that is a bit bizarre (sorry! )- you can maybe see why it looked like you were persuing. Drop it now, it doesn't need to be mentioned again. It isn't a back step or a big thing, it takes a little while to settle into the new pattern.
In future just text your wife and say something like 'I've forgotten what you said about the arrangements for the children tonight'. If she gets huffy, do not rise to it. Just text back saying 'thanks for letting me know'. As DrH said, smile and wave
)- you can maybe see why it looked like you were persuing. Drop it now, it doesn't need to be mentioned again. It isn't a back step or a big thing, it takes a little while to settle into the new pattern.