Just keep swimming...PH #6

[pearlharbr]

How long has it been since I had a good cry? Not long enough. I thought those days would be getting and fewer and farther between but I feel like I'm back the middle days (in the early days I was just numb).

I would love to chalk it up to being hormonal. Can I please?

Was talking to JD in the alt and said I was disappointed that there was no word from xBF today. I'm not ready to take him back and still not sure I want to, but I keep hoping he will care enough to make some type of effort. I guess not and that's enough to tell me what I need to know.

JD suggested that I'm all over the place emotionally and that xBF may just be confused and usure of what to do now. I will allow for him not knowing what to do, and I am a little all over the place emotionally, but not in front of xBF. I told him plainly what I expected and he has obviously chosen not to respond.

I think the emotions are in response to letting down my guard for a bit while we talked last night. When I decided to kick him out of the house, I was done with him. I closed off my heart to him and made the decision to move forward without him. When he first asked for another chance it was so pathetic it was laughable. But he persisted and I thought it was only fair to at least think about trying because that is what I wanted when I started this.

Now I'm disappointed, sad and feel like I've taken about a hundred steps backwards. I'm really regretting even considering taking him back because I didn't want to be hurt by him again. But I know that I am responsible for my own emotions and that was the risk going into this.

I need to get back on the detachment bandwagon. Fingers crossed I do it before I eat the whole carton of ice cream.

And at least I have great hair.