1. Received really sweet e-mail from J. Still wants to see me. Will be seeing him when I go to CA on the 29th. Very excited all day. Feel like a teenager again with the anticipation.......haven't felt this way in a long time (even before seperation from H).
2. On the ferry ride home, D24 calls me. I'm a grandmother. Not "gonna be a grandmother"........AM a grandmother. D24 gave birth to an 8 lb. 9 oz. baby girl today. She didn't know she was pregnant.......
3. At D24's request (remember she doesn't speak to her dad) I called and told H the big news. He is shocked.......acts very strange. Says he needs some time to digest it all (understandable). I asked if he wanted to call him Mom or should I. (Remember MIL and I have been in touch during my sitch). H adamantly demands I not tell his mother. Strange that he is so beligerent about it. Says he will "handle it his own way". Have no idea what that means and what is up with his attitude.......He says "this is not a story book"
4. My grand-daughter is absolutely BEAUTIFUL!! Love at first sight!! I call H to tell him.......left him a voice mail telling him how amazing she is.
5. D24 asks me if H is coming to see the baby. She says she doesn't care when I tell her that H may need some time to come to grips with this, but I can see the pain in my daughter's eyes. She tells me that she knows H has a girlfriend now and has even taken her up to the "dream house". [H promised me he wouldn't do that.....] I don't let my upset at that show to my daughter though. I just tell her that it's his loss and now she just needs to concentrate on getting to know her new daughter......I make her promise me to be kind to herself and to realize she will make mistakes, but to know that I am there and not hesitate to call me if she feels "overwhelmed" and needs a break.
6. Had a LONG talk with S17. He is very angry at H for "cheating again". Doesn't want to go to H's work again tomorrow (per "the plan"). S and I had a real heart to heart. He seemed to open up........I hope it's real and he's not manipulating me. I love my baby boy......and worry about him.
I really broke down on the drive back to the apartment from the hospital. I hate that I did that in front of S17. I don't understand why my family is so messed up!!??! Can my daughter give that beautiful baby girl the life she deserves!?? She's only been working at her job for a couple months......they have no money.....nothing! And with the bankruptcy and all, I don't have it either!! I want to go out and buy her all those fun baby things, but I don't even have a credit card any more!
I don't know what H is going to do.......he seemed so strange.......
I told S17 that I was not the one that looked at his my space initially. During my conversation with S, he said that he did not say those things to H about my not cooking and stuff. He said he had said that he does his own laundry and I don't normally eat in the evenings so he fends for himself, but he says he did not say it as a complaint at all, but it was just part of the discussion he had with H. This annoyed me because I see that H is manipulating me, and I didn't aprreciate that. I have always had a real thing for being opne and honest, and I read somewhere that secrets are the hallmark of a disfunctional family, and so I have always tried to be real and never sweep things under a rug.
I know that H will be very angry at me for having told S17 that the OW did the "snooping", but at this point I don't care. I'm not playing the games anymore, nor am I going to live my life worried about what H thinks!! The man he is choosing to be is a jacka** and I'm done with him!! I don't know if I will ever see the man I loved again or if this guy has just killed him off, but I'm not waiting around! I have a new granddaughter to spoil!!!!
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
