Beiog a person who is very, very affectionate and can't seem to receive enough physical affection in return....must be extremely hard for you. No doubt that is your LL b/c that is what you want to "give". However, under the circumstances, I would suggest that you pull back on all of your attentive ways toward your H. Yes, I realize that is expecting a lot from a loving person who not only wants to give physical affection but service to other (which is probably another of your LL). But you see, your H is seeing this as "smothering" and that is not a good thing! Your acts of service when you do things, get things, etc. for him is either taken for granted or actually a "turn-off" b/c it is coming across as your way of begging for his attention. In other words, trying to get any crumbs he throws out there. You do not want to be that type of person do you? I don't think you ARE that person, but I think in his frame of mind he SEES you as being that person. A huge 180 would be to stop your acts of service and the physical affection (even back rubs) unless he asks you for it.
I can tell by your posts that you are way over focused on your H b/c you are watching every move he makes and you are jealous over things you shouldn't be. If you are working on yourself and you feel confident enough about who you are as a woman, then another woman getting a little attention should not be a threat or make you feel jealous. I understand those feelings! I think I know where you are coming from. However, it means that you are not self-assured as a woman and you need to feel so good about yourself that you can be the center of attention of the entire room or sit in a corner and just smile while somebody else is getting the attention.....and still feel confident and certainly not threatened by jealous feelings.
As far as the non-talking while in the car.....believe me when I say that I have lived that scene so many times (almost everytime I'm in the car with my H) that it has actually gotten where it does not bother me. So, please get to that place that you do not HAVE to fill in every minute with conversation. In fact, it is nice for the man when there is that constant chattering from the wife. Truth be known, they would love to just tell us to shut up and let there be peace in the car....but most don't. So that would be another 180 for you. When in the car, wait for him to control the conversation, and if he doesn't say a word......do not try to fix the silence by chattering b/c he will not appreciate it. Okay?
Thank you for being so open b/c that helps to know how to respond back with suggestions. I know it is so hard right now, but I do believe it you become the woman he would want to pursure instead of you pursuing him......things will take a significant turn in your R. He will notice that you are not chattering all the time. He will notice that you aren't hanging all over him. He will notice that if he wants you to do anything, he has to ask for it. So that makes him get his mind onto you......which is a good thing.
Please try very hard on what I have suggested. Come here and post to us about how he responds to all of this. It should be interesting to see what unfolds.
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
