I encourage you to DB 'by the book'. Your individual counselor is giving you good advice 'for you' but not necessarily for your marriage. Setting boundaries is important......but it's even more important 'how' you do it if you want to save your marriage.
For example.....if you want to set a boundary about changing plans at the last minute....don't have a discussion about it....use ACTION. Don't tell her you are setting this boundary and she needs to respect you. She will hear....blah blah blah. Just don't be available. Either don't answer, or just say you are unable. DO NOT GIVE A REASON. You just are not able to drop everything.
Use that example as a sort of template. The more of these discussions you have...the further away from the relationship you will be.
I'm glad you're on a trip.....DO NOT REASSURE HER or GIVE HER DETAILS of your trip. Keep her guessing.
Don't snoop if it will make you crazy. The only real values in snooping are: *letting you find out what is appealing about the other person (which many folks are so angry they can't use it for that information); or *building ammunition for divorce. That is not your goal.
FOCUS on YOUR relationship with her. Building it better. The other is symptoms.
Thinker has given you some great perspective. Try to view your situation 'outside' of yourself....as if you were a fly on the wall. What are you each DOING and what are each of you SAYING. Evaluate the pattern. KEEP DOING YOUR PART IF IT IS WORKING. CHANGE what YOU are DOING/SAYING if the interaction ISN'T working.
That's how you build the relationship.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
