I just got done putting the boys to bed and my little man cried after we said our prayers. And, when I asked him what was upsetting him, he said he missed his dad. So, I said, "Well, S3, you get to see Daddy tomorrow after school." And, then he said, "But my daddy would not leave if my room was clean."
My heart just broke into a million pieces. And I tried to explain that he loved them both so much and that he didn't leave because their room was messy and that he just couldn't live with me anymore and that it was horrible that it turned out this way, etc., etc., etc. And every phrase out of my mouth was so inadequate.
Why, why, why did he not see what he was doing to them?
Then, S7 says, "Mom, if you get a boyfriend and you marry him and you divorce him, I don't want to go see him on the weekends." So, I assure him that I won't be getting a boyfriend or getting married for a very long time and that even if I do get married and divorced again (Heaven help us!) that he would not have to visit the other guy on the weekends.
Wow, the places their little minds go.
So, now, I'm less mad and much more sad and disappointed in him. I told him a long time ago that the highest compliment a woman could pay a man was to choose to have him father her children. What happened to the father of my children...the one that was gonna be the best dad ever...the one I was so sure I could trust to always look out for them?
So, I'd say I didn't make it nine days in a row! And, at this point, I don't know that a good one is coming tomorrow either!
Hugs!
Amy
Me 39 H 36 S 7 S 4 T 15 M 12 H out 8/1/08 OW confirmed 8/6/08 D final on 6/12/09...I'm doing good!
