In desperate need of advice, separation looming!

[steady]

>>she now wants a devorce based on my decision to stay in the house.<<

That's a threat she's using to try and get you out of the house. If she wants to D you she will do it regardless of where you live so I'd ignore that one. Also, if she wants to D you she'll hang onto any excuse... like she divorced you because you wouldn't move, or she decided to file because you did move. It's just rhetoric. She'll do what she wants. Don't let her manipulate you into doing something you don't want to do.

Just put the kids first, you second and her last....

Like everyone else here I think you handled this well.
I know you want to keep your family intact. I want that too, but you need to prepare for a happy ending with or WITHOUT her.

This is dead on. When my W wanted me out of the house I got to the point where I told her she could leave. She didn't go for that. I dug my heals in and told her it wasn't going to be on her timetable (I could have said it better) - well that got her all wrapped around the axle. I wasn't allowing her to have the control anymore so she tried all kinds of cr@p to try and manipulate me - to get her power back. I didn't bite.

Then she tried to get a restraining order against me - but they wouldn't give it to her. They served me with a refraining order instead (can't harrass, intimidate, stalk her, etc..) I laughed. I wasn't doing any of that stuff anyway. Just another piece of cr@p she tried to use to manipulate me. Now it's backfiring and it will take months to get resolved...plus thousands of dollars. It's way too funny.

Control is an illusion. And I find most attempts at control actually backfire.

I'm still here, and she has her back up against the wall. Too bad. She wants out, fine, but it ain't gonna happen based on the fairy tale path she had in her head.

My W is making up stuff now - projecting my past behavior on me as if it's still happening. When I call her on it, she has nothing - not a single example. It's just rationalization on her part to justify the decision she is making. They will think up all kinds of stuff to get themselves to believe their position is spot on. I just ignore it now because as JDollie says - You can't rationalize with an irrational person.

Set the boundaries and reinforce them. At the very least she will respect you for it. You sound very good. Enjoy the sunrise and surfing.